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| One active, adorable little boy! |
A good
friend asked me for advice on how to help her ADHD 7 year old boy. Having been through the experience (and lived
to tell about it!), I thought it would be a good article for Momcoach. Here goes…
My dear
friend,
I know how
you’ve struggled with Chris over the years and how frustrated you are with his
inability to focus, learn and obey. He
is a sweet child and it’s obvious he wants to learn how to control his body and
mind. His inability to sit still and do
his schoolwork or follow directions isn’t his fault…nor is it your fault. It’s just part of who he is. So, no blaming!
Let’s start
with his physical environment-
Children
with attention deficit disorders need two things…order and routine. An orderly home brings a feeling of peace and
comfort to every member of the family but especially for your overly active
child. He doesn’t need additional
stimulation from his environment! As a
mother, that is something you can do that will make a big difference in his behavior. If necessary, declutter and simplify your
home and especially his room and belongings.
Make it easier for him to succeed.
And routines…I’m
not talking about strict, military-type rules and regulations. Routines are just a framework for your
day. I always kept mine simple yet flexible
in case something came up that needed to be addressed. All kids feel more comfortable knowing what
to expect each day…like they know they’ll get up sometime around 7 am (or
whatever), dress and have breakfast around 8 am, clean their room and be ready
for schoolwork by 9 am. Then,
schoolwork from 9-11 am (for homeschoolers), a walk or exercise of some sort
followed by lunch at noon. And so on…
Which
reminds me – The one thing that kept me sane was a quiet time for the kids
after lunch. In order to be a good mom,
I had to take care of me. By structuring
the day so the kids had quiet time (or nap time for the little ones) for about
2 hours in the middle of the day, it made it possible for me to either take a
nap also (if it had been a rough night) or work on a project that I enjoyed
doing or read or do whatever I wanted. I
will repeat...you have to take care of yourself!
So you have
a clean, orderly house and have reasonable routines. Already you have made a difference in your
child’s life. He knows what to expect
each day and he isn’t overstimulated by chaos or clutter. What next?
Learn how to
communicate effectively with him.
Because he has trouble focusing, he probably doesn’t respond to
directions very well. You can make it
easier for him. First, make eye contact
and get his attention. Make sure his
focus is on you. Don’t repeat yourself
over and over again or yell. He will just
learn how to tune you out. Remember, he
has a legitimate disorder that makes it difficult to process and focus. You have to treat him in a way that will
result in success. Have I said that
before? That’s because it’s so important
– you want him to succeed and you have to learn how to help him achieve that
success. It’s as much about you as it is
about him. It might be inconvenient for
you to stop what you’re doing to help him follow a direction but it is part of
developing good communication skills and also learning work habits. An example – say you want Chris to clean up
his room. Do you say, “Go clean your
room.”? Probably not. How about saying, “Chris, I want you to pick
up your dirty clothes and put them in the hamper now.” And then, “Chris, put your toys in their
bins.” For a child who reads, sometimes
writing out a list is helpful to remind him what is expected in cleaning his
room. You could give him a card that
lists the 5 things you expect for his room to be clean. Now he doesn’t have to remember everything
but can check off finished chores on his list.
You get the idea.
Now, about
schoolwork…as much as possible, cut out distractions! If that means making him
a special, quiet corner of the family room for him to work, do it! If that means no background TV noises or
music, that’s ok. Expect him to have a
short attention span. It’s amazing how
much can be learned in a short period of time.
Don’t worry about him not being able to sit for half hour at a
time. Many adults have a hard time
sitting still too! Break up the learning
into manageable bits. Try to find ways
to make learning “real”. Ask for his
help counting cans in the pantry. Have
him help you make a grocery list. Have
him read signs when you’re driving. Learning
should be a way of life, not a series of workbooks and texts. Be positive!
Praise his efforts!
I am
probably overwhelming you right now. One
more thing…consistency. That’s right,
you need to be consistent in the way you treat Chris and your other
children. Chris needs to know what to
expect from you. He is trying to figure
out his world and you can help him by consistently following through on the
things you tell him, and the things you do.
To sum this
all up…
Order and
routine.
Effective
communication.
Eliminate
distractions.
Consistency.
While you
cannot control Chris or any other child, you have complete control over
you. The way you act, the things you do
and say, the things you accept and the things you will not tolerate, all help
your little guy make sense of his world.
He needs your love, your time and your patience. Maybe I should have devoted a paragraph on
patience. Change doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes it takes only days but some things
might take years but however long it takes, it’s worth it. Trust me, I know. :)
