Dressed for Success

Perfectly dressed for learning and play!

Last week I helped my daughter with her volunteer job supervising the running club of the local elementary school.  Children gather twice a week before school to run laps at the park adjoining the school.  Watching the kids led to some interesting observations.

Do Moms see what their kids wear when they walk out the door?  Do they care?  If not, why not?

A six year old little girl was wearing what could only be described as dress-up shoes.  They were shiny red high heeled pumps.  Really?!?  How could they possibly be good for her feet?   How can she participate in active sports or any activities?  I realize the little girl probably loved those shoes but were they appropriate for school?  I think not!

A girl of probably eight or nine was wearing a tight, short dress.  Again, how can she be comfortable or modest in that apparel?  The simple addition of leggings underneath would have made her outfit far more appropriate for school.

Too short, too long, too baggy, too skimpy, too revealing, too ... And this was only elementary school! 

I know you want your kids to be able to choose but teach them what is appropriate.  Don't let them out of the house until you've checked to make sure they are clean, modest and comfortable. 

Sometimes, I wish kids wore uniforms to school.  :)

Four important school skills

Ready for her first day of school!

Two kids might have the same high IQ and similar home environments but one might excel and another struggle.  Why the difference?  You'd think that being smart was enough to guarantee success but there's more to success than pure intelligence.

The children who have mastered (or are in the process of mastering) the following skills and behaviors are more likely to have a positive experience at school and later as adults.

1. The ability to follow directions and its companion (2.) the ability to listen.  You've been teaching this since your child was a baby.  Just a couple of examples - Giving her chores commensurate with her age helps her learn how to follow directions.  Asking her to repeat what you said if she seems distracted, helps her learn to focus on what you say.  Keep working with her on this skill...she definitely needs it for school!

3. Reasonable self-control.  Ah yes, being able to control himself!  This includes refraining from tantrums, hitting and other physical no-no's; yelling, swearing and other verbal no-no's;  keeping hands and other body parts to himself; not taking things that don't belong to him.  Even some adults haven't mastered self-control yet but it's something your children will greatly benefit from learning, and the sooner the better.

4. Basic organizational skills.  Some kids are naturally neat and tidy and others need LOTS of help!  To succeed at school, your child needs to be able to keep track of assignments and other papers, school supplies and things like jackets and lunch boxes.  Losing these can cause stress and lost time for you, your child and her teacher. 

These are skills that can be taught, starting while your children are young and then expanded upon as they grow.  As you interact with your children every day, you are teaching and reinforcing these important life skills. 

Money!!!

My son, talking about his daughter - "I was getting money out of the ATM.  As the money came out, the funniest thing was heard..."

Annie - "Money!!! It's your lucky day, Dad!"
 
My son's reply - "Either she's seen too much of Las Vegas, or I have to teach her about ATMs... for now, though, it was cute..."

Annie is almost five.  She is very aware of the value of money but not the concept of ATM machines or credit cards or checks.   That's normal for her age.  It takes a while for developing brains to deal with abstract concepts.  Heck, even some adults don't seem to get the idea that you shouldn't write a check for something if you don't have the money in the bank.  

Annie's learning quickly and it won't be long before she's asking her dad for his credit card.  :)

Making meal planning easier

choosemyplate.gov

Menu planning and grocery shopping are not my favorite activities.  I often wish Purina (who makes cat chow, dog chow and other animal feed) would come up with People Chow so I didn't have to worry about planning what to cook.  :)   Not only do we have to plan and make meals, we have to be mindful of nutrition, budget and health.  Purina, where are you?!

Having studied nutrition and worked with families who needed education on planning healthy, inexpensive meals,  I found that the best resource for teaching these things is found on the USDA's website, choosemyplate.gov.  This is the latest guideline for health and wellness from the federal government, replacing the My Pyramid program.  Its name come from the visual representation of how the proportion of various types of food should look on your plate.

This website has information, recipes, and tips for planning and preparing healthy meals that are based on different families needs and lifestyles.  They focus on whole grains, fruits and veggies, lean meats and foods that are naturally inexpensive.  Included are charts and calculators for tracking your food input, weight, goals and exercise.  There is even a section for teaching children about food and nutrition which is quite entertaining and fun (well, however fun learning about nutrition is, anyway).   It is quite inclusive! 

I highly recommend this website and hope you take a look at it!  Anything to make the process easier is my type of program!

Good habits/Bad habits

Begin early!

It's said that people are creatures of habit.  Assuming this is true, is it good or is it bad?  If your habits are good, then it's obviously a good thing.  (Think flossing your teeth, exercising regularly, calling your mother once a week.)  If your habits are bad, it's not so good. (Ok, I admit to eating a handful of chocolate chips every night after dinner!)

Habits are built up over time, which is why it's so important to help your children develop as many good habits as possible.   There is much you can do to help facilitate good habits in even the very young.

A tired, young mother complains that her 8 month old baby won't sleep through the night.  Notice the word, won't.  It's not can't. A baby who is developing normally (according to pediatric guidelines) is capable of sleeping through the night.  What the baby has done is developed the habit of waking up multiple times to eat or get interaction with Mommy or Daddy.  With work and a few more sleepless nights, that baby can learn diferent sleep patterns.

A school aged child whose room is constantly in a state of chaos has developed the habit of throwing things on the floor rather than putting them away.  Again, it's possible to work with that child to develop better habits.

A preschooler is rude, out of control and hits other children.  Believe it or not, that child has developed the habit to behave that way.  It's what he's used to doing and because no one has taught him otherwise, it's his way of dealing with stress, frustration and anger.  For the child's sake and those around him,  this is a habit that really should be dealt with...SOON!

The list goes on...but as a Mom, you have more control over these (and other) annoying behaviors of your children than you might realize. Schedules and routines are a good place to start.  They build the type of habits that you want to encourage.  Routines aren't just the invention of overly obsessive, compulsive minds.  :)  They provide a framework for daily living.  They provide peace of mind to your children.  It's much easier to guide children to develop good habits than to have to help him break bad ones!

Working together

I read a short article in the newspaper today that I really enjoyed.  Apparently the superintendent of a Connecticut school district has banned cursing.  Any student who swears at an adult gets suspended for 10 days and sent home with a bar of soap.  :)  The reasoning is that quality learning can't occur in an environment where students think it's ok to swear.

"Did you hear what he said?!?!"

Yay for that superintendent!  It's about time someone in authority takes a stand against swearing.  It's become so prevalent in our society that it's not uncommon to hear little children yell and curse at each other and at their parents.  Apparently, kids are comfortable cursing at their teachers too.

As with any behavior problem, the solution begins at home.  You can't have a no swearing policy at home and expect your children to obey it if you or your spouse are guilty of using "colorful" language.  You can't expect your child's school to fix a problem that you contributed to.  Together, the school and the home can make a big difference in teaching children acceptable and civilized behavior.

Hopefully, a bar of soap won't be necessary to enforce appropriate language behavior but many a child has learned what soap tastes like after trying a new word out on Mom or Dad.  It's a pretty powerful lesson.  Good luck New Britain School District!

Homeschooling - What about socialization?

Funny thing about when we decided to homeschool...we thought people would be concerned about our children's education.  Nope.  The main reaction we got was, "What about socialization?!"  At first I was perplexed.  Socialization?  What did that have to do with education?  Of course my kids knew how to get along with other people and knew basic social skills.  But that's not what people meant.  What they were really concerned about was the fact that my kids weren't getting educated in a classroom with 20-30 other children their age.  To them, that was the experience they felt that all children needed.

To me socialization is part of living.  It's either positive or negative, not absent or present.  Babies "socialize" as they learn how to interact with the people around them.  Children learn that hitting and biting are unacceptable and being mean to other children almost guarantees that they won't have friends.  That's socialization!  These skills and others are learned by interacting with other people, regardless of age.

There are some children (and adults) who have poor social skills who were educated in a traditional school setting.  There are also homeschooled children who are comfortable and confident in any social setting.  It has more to do with the personality of the child himself and his upbringing at home than the type of school he attends.

As long as the homeschool parent includes lots of interaction with people of all ages, exposes the kids to many and varied experiences, and teaches appropriate behavior by both example and training, the kids are going to be able to function well in any situation. 

Why we decided to homeschool

Things might have been different if my oldest child had been born in the spring or summer.  As it was, she was born two weeks after the cut-off date for the beginning of kindergarten in our school district.  Being a conscientious parent, I was concerned about how that was going to affect my little girl.  She was a bright and curious four year old, having taught herself to read, do simple addition and subtraction problems and was eager to learn more.  I scheduled an appointment with the kindergarten teacher to discuss the options for her (hoping that she'd suggest that we try to petition the district to allow her to enter kindergarten early).  The teacher was not very encouraging.  She said that if my daughter already knew the basic learning skills taught in kindergarten, she'd just have to wait until the other children caught up.  That was not an acceptable option.

I began to research other options.  All I wanted was for my daughter to retain her love of learning and find a suitable school for her.  There were a few private schools but they were expensive.  Then, one day I was at the public library and while browsing the titles, a book practically jumped out at me.  Written in bold white letters on a black background, the book was titled, Teach Your Own.  I had never heard of such a radical idea.  All children went to school...so I thought.  I checked out the book and began reading about a totally foreign option to public school...homeschool.  How very strange, yet intriguing.  Our school district didn't want to work with us, my husband was getting ready to take on a year long computer job in California and this book was telling us that we didn't have to put our child in school.  We could teach her ourselves.

So began the journey into the world of homeschooling. We knew that we'd be away from home for a year and thought we'd try it for that year and then re-evaluate.   It seemed like a perfect solution.  Our little girl could learn at her own pace and we'd get to explore a new city together and we'd see how it worked out, never realizing that we'd just ventured into a whole new way of living for our family.  This little "experiment" lasted through eight children (K-12) and prepared each of them to enter the world of higher education upon "graduation".

We encountered difficulties and challenges along the way but each year the pros outweighed the cons.  Homeschooling isn't for everyone but it worked for my family.   It was totally worth the time and commitment to see it through.

More on homeschooling next week...

It's a tool, not a toy

Funny thing about technology...we gripe about how our kids use it too much, yet we are becoming more and more dependent on it ourselves.  Where would we be without computers (specifically the internet), GPS, cell phones, our smart devices, tablets, cable TV, iPods and all the other marvelous gadgets that Microsoft and Apple come up with?  It really wasn't that long ago when those things weren't available yet today we can't live without them.

So is it any wonder that our kids are so drawn to using the same things we do?  How can we tell them not to spend time on the computer when every day they see us with our laptops on our laps, plugged into our iPods and watching the latest episode of our favorite sitcom on Netflix?  (now THAT is multi-tasking!)

Here's a suggestion.  Teach your children that all these devices have a useful purpose.  One of my husband's favorite sayings was, "It's a tool, not a toy."  We didn't mind our children using technology for their education (in fact, we encouraged it!) but we tried to limit the mindless surfing on the internet and game playing...not always successful but we tried  :)

Maybe we should remind ourselves the same thing...it's a tool, not a toy!

Don't cross the yellow line

 Funny thing about kids...if you tell them not to cross the yellow line, they will see how close to the line they can get without going over.  There could be plenty of room on their "side" but it's not nearly as enticing as that forbidden yellow line.

Testing limits...it's what kids do.  And what do Mom's do?  They are consistent.  They set the boundaries and see to it that they are respected and obeyed.

The "yellow line" represents safety.  Kids don't understand where danger exists so it's up to us to set boundaries for them and help them learn that the safest place to be is far away from that yellow line.

Wouldn't it be nice if all dangers were marked with yellow lines?

The buddy system

The Boy Scouts teach it.  Firemen use it.  Policemen use it.  Teachers can't take a class on a field trip without it.  Parents would be wise to implement it too.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  If you said the buddy system, you're right!  (maybe the post title gave it away  :)  )

When kids have a partner (or buddy), they are more likely to be safe in unfamiliar or public places.  Especially if you have more than two children, it makes it easier to keep track of them.  I can't think of any place where it's ok to let children go off on their own.  It's just not that safe of a world any more.

This morning I went on a walk/hike in a beautiful wooded canyon with two kids (ages 7 and 11) and their mother.  The kids were assigned to be buddies.  They could go on ahead but not out of sight.  Let's just say that they will need additional practice being buddies  :)  Maybe that's because they're brother and sister but even then, they can be taught to stay together, stop when their mother says "stop", and be aware of their surroundings.  Failure to learn could result in someone getting hurt or lost wandering off the trail.

Teaching them will take some practice and time.  Be patient but let them know that having a partner is for their safety and you expect them to cooperate.  You might try the following...
You can start off with short walks where you practice with your kids and teach them how to be buddies. 
You can teach them how firefighters and policemen work with a buddy for their safety.   Have them think of other people who work together.   Even Mom and Dad are partners!
You can give them incentives for staying with each other.

There are amazing places to visit and explore and you and your children will be able to enjoy them so much more if you implement the buddy system.   Enjoy the adventure!

Big ears and eyes

I love the way kids learn about their Daddy's occupation.
Case in point -
Lilly (3), "Look at my beautiful veins!" as she extends her forearm.
Me, "You do have beautiful veins!  Can you find my veins?"
We then spent the next few minutes tracing each others veins.  Her Daddy is a nurse.

"Look it up."

Mom, "You're persnickety today."
Child, "What does persnickety mean?"
Mom, "Look it up."

The phrase "Look it up" was a common phrase in our family.  We even kept a dictionary in our dining room to help answer questions at the dinner table.   The kids were constantly asking questions.

Children are naturally inquisitive and curious.  How you respond to their questions will determine whether your children learn for themselves or stay dependent on you.  I don't think you want them to be dependent on you so teach them how to find the answers on their own.  Keep a dictionary and encyclopedia accessible (print or online) and refer to it often.  Show them how to look up words and facts.  Use big words in conversations to spark interest.

Teaching your children how to find answers to their questions is a valuable skill that will help them discover the world around them and help them become independent learners.  The next time one of your children asks you a question, tell them to "look it up."

A beautiful day to work in the yard

For the first time this year, I went out and worked in my garden.  It felt so good to pull up weeds, gather up dead and broken limbs from winter, plant summer blooming bulbs, and feel the sun on my back.  So what if it's supposed to rain tomorrow.  Today it was beautiful.

Yes, we have slugs too!

Chuck (4), Lilly (3), and Marie (5) joined me outdoors and helped me with my projects. I showed them how to identify the weeds that I was pulling and which plants to stay away from.  They caught on quickly...I only lost a few daffodil shoots.  :)  Then I gave them each a trowel and let them dig in an area where I was going to plant later.

Kids can be good helpers if you give them directions of what you want done, where and how you want them to do it.  They probably won't know the difference between a weed and a prized rosebush unless you teach them.

Outfit the kids with kid sized work gloves to protect their hands and kid sized tools to make them feel like they are doing real work.  Make the job as easy as possible for them.  Kids love to imitate their mommies and daddies.

Who knows?  You might be fostering a life-long love of plants and nature in your children!

The angry child

As an adult, you probably learned how to deal with your anger.  When you're upset at a cashier, you don't yell at him or hit or kick him.  The reckless driver who cuts you off might get a angry look from you but you're not likely to crash your own car into him.  When your husband doesn't like the dinner you made, you don't throw it across the room.  Sometime before you reached adulthood, you learned the skills to act in a socially acceptable manner.  And if not, now is the time to learn...quickly!

Now you have kids.  How do you teach them to respond to their anger in an appropriate way?  There are a few ways that might help.

First, what kind of example do you set when you are mad?  How does your husband act when angry?  Sometimes the problem lies with the parents and the kids are merely imitating them.  If you have a hard time dealing calmly when you are angry (especially at the kids), you need to work on learning calming techniques yourself.   We always have to start with ourselves.

When your child is in a good mood, talk with him about what makes him angry.  Listen and don't argue with him.  You want to hear his perspective.   What he has to say might surprise you.  He might have a legitimate cause for frustration.  If he does, see what you can do to alleviate the problem.  Younger siblings often know how to push their older brother or sister's "hot buttons".  Sneaky little things  :)  Some of my kids were extremely adept at knowing exactly what to do to make each other mad!

Tell him that everyone gets angry but some ways of expressing it aren't acceptable and won't be tolerated.  These include hurting another person, hurting property, or doing something dangerous.

Work with him to come up with acceptable outlets for anger that you both agree on.  You could then make (or have him make) a poster that lists those ideas in a prominent place.  They might include taking a deep breath before doing or saying anything, leaving the room to get in control, going outside to get some physical exercise, writing down the angry thoughts, a punching bag (not a sibling  :)  )...  He needs to know that he WILL get mad sometimes but he has to learn how to control himself.  

Work with him to come up with consequences for angry outbursts and behavior (again, while he's in a good mood).  Having him help come up with consequences makes him part of the decision making process and will increase the likelihood that he will cooperate.  Then, follow through when you need to.

Dealing with anger in an appropriate way is not learned overnight.  What you want to look for is progress in the right direction.   Your child is still just that...a child.  He hasn't reached full grown maturity, physically or emotionally.  Your job is to set a good example and offer encouragement for his efforts to learn to control himself and apply consequences when he forgets. 

Political discussions with your kids

Even though it's only September, I am overwhelmed with the number of political advertisements bombarding my home.  On the TV, in the mail, over the phone, everyone wants to sell me on their candidate or cause.  There is no doubt in my mind that this upcoming election is going to be a hot topic for us all.  This includes our children.  If they are old enough to go to school, most likely they are going to have lessons about our Presidents, the election process and even some of the causes of the day.  Their peers are going to talk about it.  They're going to hear discussions from teachers and other adults.

Your job as a mother is to be informed yourself and find ways to bring your children into conversations concerning the election in November.  They need to know what you believe in and why.  You need to be open with them so their questions can be discussed and misconceptions cleared up.  Even adults get confused with all the conflicting information swirling around!  Your children may be too young to vote, but they are old enough to start forming their own opinions and values.

One rule that I have is if I want to know about a person running for office, I will NOT look at or listen to information about him or her that is furnished by the opposition.  Why would they give me an accurate depiction of someone they want to defeat?  Instead, I'll search the particular person's record and values and weigh their supporter's endorsements to see how closely their beliefs match mine.  I'll look up his or her official website.  You can tell your older children to do the same, or better yet, do it together and learn together. 

It's going to be an interesting couple of months coming up.  I already keep the TV remote close by so I can mute the political commercials.  :)  I suggest you do the same!

Hygiene!

There are some things that kids seem oblivious to or just don't care about.  One of those things is hygiene.  Some kids will wear the same clothes day and night if you let them (especially underwear!).  Some kids will go days without bathing or showering.  And teeth?  You'd think they'd notice the furry stuff growing around the edges of their teeth but somehow, they don't.  So, it is up to you, dear mothers to see to it that your children are showered, teeth brushed, and cleanly dressed every day before they go to school, church, preschool, or anywhere in public.  It is such a subtle yet obvious thing that affects how they will be accepted by their peers and treated by adults. 

If you ever sat next to someone who didn't follow basic hygiene rules, you know what I'm talking about.  It's not pleasant.  

Teach your kids very early on the importance of being clean.  Help them learn the techniques of brushing teeth and cleaning all the parts of their bodies.  Be sure that they have clean clothes to wear and don't let them out of the house until they are truly ready to face the public.  No negotiating here!

Thrifty Thursday - Basic skills

When I was a young mother, I made most of my kid's clothes.  My friends did the same and we weren't in the minority.  Schools taught home economics and girls graduated from high school knowing how to sew and how to cook from scratch, whether they wanted to or not.  It was part of the required school curriculum, just as auto shop and wood shop were required for the boys.  I know that that is considered sexist today but those are still worthwhile skills to know...for all kids.  I know  I wish I'd had the option to take auto shop and wood shop back then!  

Even though those classes aren't required in the public schools any more, doesn't mean that your children don't need to learn them.  And while sewing your own clothes is no longer cost effective (it's less expensive to buy most clothes), most people at one time or another need to know how to sew a hem, or mend a rip or replace buttons.  Do your teenagers know how to do that?  It might be a worthwhile summer project  :)

His daddy taught him well!

And cooking...the first thing I learned how to make in junior high was biscuits.  Not from Bisquick or Krusteaz but from flour, shortening, salt and milk.  How novel!  There are a few basic things kids should know how to make before they venture out into the world on their own.  Let's see...cooking meat and poultry so no one dies from food poisoning,  how to cook different veggies (we want them to be healthy, right?), making different kinds of eggs, cooking pasta, rice and potatoes, and of course, cakes, cookies and pies.  Unlike sewing, it's still cheaper to make meals from scratch than it is to buy them frozen or microwaveable or from a restaurant.  Some might even say they taste better too!

You will be giving your children (both boys and girls) a great gift if you teach them basic home economics and maintenance skills as they are growing up.

On my soap-box

I don't usually feel like getting on a soap-box but today I'm stepping up.  ( I wonder how big a soap-box is?)  Anyway, I've been thinking about values and morals and how our children can grow into principled, happy adults.  There are so many conflicting messages bombarding them and, lacking the experience and maturity to sort things out, they are often swayed by convincing arguments.

My soap-box message is this..if you have strong beliefs and traditional values, you are going to have to be the one to teach those morals to your children.  If you believe those values are the basis of a happy life, you are going to have to get that message across strong and clear to your children.  You cannot depend on the school system, the media or even your friends and neighbors to reinforce those values.  You cannot just assume your kids will be able to discern right from wrong without any input from you.  Start early and show what you believe by your example.  Teach them to be kind and tolerant of others but teach them not to be afraid to stand up for their beliefs.  Always be available to talk with your kids when they have questions and try not to look uncomfortable or shocked by anything they say.  :)

I hope I haven't offended anyone by posting this and I can't give specifics but the topic has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.  So, I decided to write...