Warning - serious topic

A tragic news article prompted me to write today.  A 29 year old mother couldn't stand hearing her young babies and toddler crying so she tried to kill them.  Now the mother is in jail facing attempted murder charges and her three little children (aged 2 and twins 6 months old) are fighting for their lives.

You think, "How could this happen?"  "What could have been done to prevent it?"

The vast majority of mothers (and fathers) would never dream of hurting their children, no matter how frustrated they are. Yet, periodically there are stories like the one above that are sobering reminders that coping strategies must be taught to parents, especially vulnerable ones.

Young children cry.  No doubt about it.  Babies cry.  They cry because that's the only way they know how to communicate.  They cry because they are tired or hungry or need a diaper change, or are too hot or too cold, or are getting sick, or teething, or in other discomfort.  During sleep they might have had a frightening dream or been startled by some noise.  Sometimes, they cry for no apparent reason.

To cope with a crying baby, consider the following -
1. Babies feel tenseness in people around them.  If their crying makes you tense and anxious, they very possibly might cry more.  Try to remain calm and soothing.  No shouting or yelling!
2. Check for the obvious reasons for the crying.  Feet and hands cold?  Cover them.  Baby sweating? She's too hot.  Remove some layers.  Change diaper.  If baby is young, try feeding him.  Check for signs of discomfort.
3. If all the above fails, soothe baby with quiet, gentle words and put her gently back in her crib and close the door. 
4. If your baby seems like she is in pain, call the pediatrician, even in the middle of the night.  All doctors that I know have answering services that can help you determine whether your baby's symptoms are urgent or can wait until morning.
5. Periodically check on her but try to avoid disturbing her.  Yes, you are not going to get very much sleep but remind yourself that this stage of your child's life is a short one. 

If you find yourself unable to remain calm and get increasingly frustrated, even angry, you need to discuss this with your doctor immediately.  She can help you with additional coping strategies.  You might be suffering from a severe form of postpartum depression.

You need to schedule an appointment with your baby's doctor also to rule out possible physical reasons for her distress.

Having a "safe" person (a friend or family member) available to call when you are at your wits end, will help you calm down and think rationally.  Talk with someone you trust and ask him or her to be that safe person for you.

If your feelings intensify, put your crying baby in her crib and close the door. Then call your safe person or the doctor.  Do not give in to impulsive actions. 

Make sure your husband, babysitters and other care givers know what to do if they feel overwhelmed by your baby's crying. Teach them if necessary.

No one likes to hear a baby cry but it's a fact of life that they do.  If you are unable to cope with your children for whatever reason, you must find help.  It's possible to learn the strategies that will help you be a calmer mother and learn how to handle your own emotions in a healthy way.

Every innocent young baby deserves to be safe and loved.

How to create a book lover :)

If you want your children to love books, you need to make books part of their life.  Surround them with books they can love.  Introduce them to a variety of genres.  Read to them.  

Is it any surprise this little baby grew up to be an avid reader?

Raised on classic Disney...

And classic board books...Love Goodnight Moon!

And books that can be properly "devoured"  :)

Throw in a little geography for balance...

So careful with the pages!

Same little girl, same love of books  :)

Normal vs average

Precocious little one!

As a mom, you want to be reassured that your child is developing "normally".  As you look around at children who are the same age, you notice that some reach milestones earlier while others are later.  Is that normal?  What is the difference between "normal" and "average"? 

One of my babies was walking at nine months.  Another didn't walk until he was fifteen months.  One chattered away using clearly distinct words at one year.  Another didn't talk until he was three.  Both of these examples are of normal development.  Neither was average.

Average is a mathematical formula where you take a group of numbers, add them up and divide by the number in the group.  The resulting number is the average.  Normal, however, is not nearly so precise.  It describes something that is typical for a situation, based over a long period of observation.  So, while the average age of a baby walking is 12 months, normal is somewhere between nine months and sixteen months.

You are probably very aware of the charts and apps that describe typical ages for developmental milestones.  Just remember, that they are guidelines, nothing more.  There never seems to be any worry when your child reaches milestones earlier than usual but if not, then the uncertainty creeps in.  Regular check-ups with your child's doctor are ideal for bringing up your concerns about his or her development.  If all appears to be well, don't hurry or pressure your child.   Enjoy her just the way she is. 

What's in a name?

What's in a name?  An awful lot, actually.  Our name is one of the things that people use to identify us.  It is something that we are given at birth and carry with us when we die.  That's pretty heavy for two, three or four little words.

So, it is an awesome responsibility for parents to give their newborn just the right name.  And coming up with that name is not as simple as the biblical verse when Zacharias proclaimed, "His name is John."  (Luke 1:63)  No argument there!  When you start talking about names with your husband, you learn things you never learned before (and vise versa).  You can't name the baby after a former ex-girlfriend/boyfriend.  You can't name him or her the same name as your arch nemesis in elementary school.  Certain names remind you of someone mean or rude or not-very-bright.  Your movie crush is off limits.

Then there's the practical considerations.  Do you want a gender neutral name or one that is definitely male or female?  What about names that rhyme?  What about initials?  If you name a daughter, Faith Ann Taylor, it won't take long for kids to realize that her initials spell out F.A.T.  Not good!  How does the given name sound with the last name?  Oh, and do you want to name a son after his father?  Are you ok with people confusing your husband's name and your son's name?  It happens...I know, we did that.  :)

What if your husband has always wanted to name a child a certain name?  That was the case with our first son.  When my husband was a child, he always wanted a brother so all his stuffed animals and pets were named David.  It wasn't hard to decide on that baby's name.  :)  It would have been harder if I associated the name David with someone unpleasant but that wasn't the case...luckily!

When naming your baby, think ahead to the future.  Think about your little boy or girl in school and the teacher calling his/her name.  Is it a name to be proud of?  Are her friends going to make fun of her name?  Is he going to be embarrassed when someone thinks he's a girl based on his name?  Think further in the future.  He's applying for a job.  How will his name represent him?

There are numberless combinations of names available for your baby.  Even eliminating certain emotionally charged names leaves more than enough to choose just the right name for your little one.  That is unless you have the same experience we had when our fifth baby was born.  We had the perfect name for him but when we actually got to see him and hold him, we looked at each other and both said, "He's not a ......"  The name we chose did not fit the little guy.  It took us an additional week before we came up with a name that fit him.  And it was a good name.

Leave No Trace

Leave No Trace.  This motto is part of the Boy Scout program, designed to teach boys (as well as all visitors) to leave as little impact on wilderness areas as possible.  There are seven principles associated with this program.  They are -
1. Plan and prepare.
2. Travel and camp on durable surfaces.
3. Dispose of waste properly.
4. Leave what you find.
5. Minimize campfire impact.
6. Respect wildlife.
7. Be considerate of other visitors.

What does this have to do with being a mother?  Surprisingly, quite a bit!  When you take your children out (shopping, visiting friends and/or relatives, to church, and to other public places), you leave an impression of not only yourself and your children but of mothers and children in general.  What kind of impression do you leave?

Let's apply the principles of Leave No Trace to your adventures with your children.
1. Plan and prepare.  Before you leave home, do you adequately prepare for possibilities...like extra food and extra changes of clothes for the little ones...just in case?  Are you prepared for an emergency?
2. We'll skip that one.
3. Dispose of waste properly.  Now, that is a good one!  The rule, "Pack it in, pack it out" definitely applies!  If your baby needs a diaper change, please wrap up and take the used diaper home.  I know, disposable diapers are meant to be disposed of, but leaving a stinky diaper in someone's home or place of work, just isn't considerate.  Keep plastic bags in your diaper bag or purse for that purpose.  And diapers aren't the only things...cheerios, gum wrappers and trash left on pews at church...that's a no-no!
4. Leave what you find.  Again, applicable.  When visiting someone's home, make sure your child doesn't "accidently" leave with something that doesn't belong to him or her.  Let's face it, it can happen.
5. Let's hope that one isn't applicable!  But just for the record,  keep an eye on your children at all times.  Unsupervised children tend to find trouble just as unsupervised campfires tend to make trouble!
6. Respect wildlife.  Children love animals but not all animals love children.  For the safety of both, teach your children to approach unfamiliar animals with caution.  That applies to cats and dogs too!
7. Be considerate of other visitors.  How basic is that?!  No biting, hitting, pushing, kicking, or any variation.  Be nice.

When these simple rules are applied, you can confidently take your children practically anywhere without worrying about their behavior.  Teach your kids to be good scouts!  Be prepared!

Spring thoughts...

Thinking Spring thoughts today!

I am what you might call a lazy gardener.  I don't enrich the soil before planting.  I plant seeds but forget to water them.  When weeds start to grow around my pathetic little plants, I might pull them or then again, I might not.  Protection from predators?  Naw.  It's a wonder that ANY of those plants grow to maturity.  I guess I shouldn't complain about the poor yield of my little vegetable patch.

Do you know where I'm going with this?  That's right...children!  Packed in their tiny baby bodies is tremendous potential.  How we nurture, protect and enrich those budding "sprouts" will determine their strength when they reach maturity.

Just like a little seed, a baby needs a rich environment to grow strong and healthy.  She needs to be nourished both physically, emotionally and spiritually.  She needs to be nurtured with love.  She needs protection against danger.  She needs to experience a variety of challenges to be able to withstand greater trials as she grows.  And, as she continues to grow, she becomes strong.

There isn't anything haphazard about parenting.  Like a vigilant gardener, a wise parent knows that by addressing the many needs of their children, they are helping them grow into strong and happy adults.

Happy gardening!

Good habits/Bad habits

Begin early!

It's said that people are creatures of habit.  Assuming this is true, is it good or is it bad?  If your habits are good, then it's obviously a good thing.  (Think flossing your teeth, exercising regularly, calling your mother once a week.)  If your habits are bad, it's not so good. (Ok, I admit to eating a handful of chocolate chips every night after dinner!)

Habits are built up over time, which is why it's so important to help your children develop as many good habits as possible.   There is much you can do to help facilitate good habits in even the very young.

A tired, young mother complains that her 8 month old baby won't sleep through the night.  Notice the word, won't.  It's not can't. A baby who is developing normally (according to pediatric guidelines) is capable of sleeping through the night.  What the baby has done is developed the habit of waking up multiple times to eat or get interaction with Mommy or Daddy.  With work and a few more sleepless nights, that baby can learn diferent sleep patterns.

A school aged child whose room is constantly in a state of chaos has developed the habit of throwing things on the floor rather than putting them away.  Again, it's possible to work with that child to develop better habits.

A preschooler is rude, out of control and hits other children.  Believe it or not, that child has developed the habit to behave that way.  It's what he's used to doing and because no one has taught him otherwise, it's his way of dealing with stress, frustration and anger.  For the child's sake and those around him,  this is a habit that really should be dealt with...SOON!

The list goes on...but as a Mom, you have more control over these (and other) annoying behaviors of your children than you might realize. Schedules and routines are a good place to start.  They build the type of habits that you want to encourage.  Routines aren't just the invention of overly obsessive, compulsive minds.  :)  They provide a framework for daily living.  They provide peace of mind to your children.  It's much easier to guide children to develop good habits than to have to help him break bad ones!

Necessities for newborns

Such a sweetie! 

Being a mom for the first time is the ultimate step into the unknown.  :)  The realization that someone is going to depend on you for their very life is daunting, to say the least.   From the time you first learn that you are pregnant, you are bombarded with choices...home birth, medicated birth, c-section, natural birth, water birth, family in the birthing room, bonding, breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, immunizations...the list goes on and on.  And the more you research the options, the more confusing it can get.

And then you have to decide what Baby's going to need to be comfortable and what YOU'RE going to need to be comfortable.  More advertising and more choices...going to the store to shop for Baby is more confusing than rewarding. 

Here's my list of what is a necessity for Baby and what's not.

0-6  months necessities
Equipment - 
1. Car seat....essential.  Whether it has a removable carrier is not as important.  Why?  Because studies have shown that when the car seat can be used as a baby carrier, Baby spends too much time in it.  In some cases, a baby's head can become flattened by the amount of time being in the same position.
2. Portable baby crib (like Pack n' Play).  New babies don't need a full sized crib yet and most parents prefer having their new baby sleep in their room.  A portable crib will make that easier and will also be useful when traveling.  Portable cribs can be used exclusively for several months.
3. Soft front carrier...much more comfortable for both Baby and Mommy than lugging around a stroller.  Tiny babies are soothed being close to Mommy.  Mommy has both hands free to shop or do whatever she needs to do.  Compact and washable. 
Supplies -
1. At least one dozen cloth diapers, even if you're planning on using disposables.  Wonderful for burp cloths and cleaning up the inevitable messes.
2. Lots of receiving blankets.  Homemade are best.  One yard of 45" material, hemmed, and you have a nice sized blanket.  Several in single layers and double layers serve many needs.
3. A "diaper" bag.  In parentheses because there are so many cute, roomy bags available, don't limit yourself to a bag labeled as a diaper bag.  Buy whatever you like!
4. Waterproof pads.  For changing Baby wherever you happen to be and for putting under crib sheet in case of leakage.  These can be made also.  Buy a couple of yards of waterproof fabric or buy a waterproof mattress pad and cut it to the sizes you want.  Hem if necessary.
5. If you're bottle feeding, of course you need baby bottles, formula and a bottle brush.  If breastfeeding, you've got all the equipment you need  :)  Here is another time when having a receiving blanket comes in handy...for privacy.
6. Lots of onesies and footed sleepers and a place to put them...probably a dresser or shelves.
7. And of course, diapers...lots and lots of diapers!  And a bucket with lid and liners to put used diapers in until they can be thrown away.   I'm assuming you're going to use disposable diapers.  Cloth diapers are a whole different matter!  In that case, at least 4 dozen diapers, plenty of diaper covers, pins or other fasteners and a larger bucket to hold the used diapers until you can wash them.

For the first few months, that's about all you need.  There are other things that can be useful but most things just cost a lot of money, take up valuable space and rarely get used.   You really don't need a baby bathtub, changing table or all the other gadgets and gizmos sold at your baby superstore.

In a few months, you WILL need a high chair (either free standing or attachable to a table), a full size crib and a stroller.  Oh and a "kid gate" or two.  Once your baby starts to get mobile, you don't want him to have free reign over the whole house and if your house has stairs, it's essential for safety.

Most likely you'll have plenty of time to ask friends what they use for their babies and can keep your eye out for good sales.  Babies do cost money but not nearly what some people spend.  After you have the essentials, you can fill in as the need arises.  You'll get the hang of it and soon you'll be a pro!

Today

Have you ever noticed how often we moms focus on the future?  "I can't wait until my baby sleeps through the night.  I can't wait until my husband finishes school.  I can't wait until the kids go to kindergarten.  I can't wait until we buy a house.  I can't wait until they're grown!"

Having goals to work towards and dreams to keep us going is important but even more important is focusing on the here and now.  Today is the day you are living.  Today you are making tomorrow's memories.  Make those memories good ones.  Enjoy your children at the stage they are in right now.  It won't last, I promise you.  Find humor in the crazy things they do.  Find beauty in your surroundings.  Show your husband and children that you love them...today.

Keep your goals and dreams but don't neglect the most important day of all...today.

The DPT shot

I have a new respect for babies and toddlers who are routinely immunized against certain diseases.  While I was at the doctor's office, it was suggested that I get a booster of the DPT shot as it's been a long time since I had a tetanus shot and last year there was a whooping cough outbreak.  I readily agreed.  No big problem.

So...since then, I developed sore muscles and joints, chills and fever and a really sore arm where the shot was administered.  It's no wonder our kids get fussy and cranky after they get their shots!  They can't vocalize their discomfort in any way except by crying and acting uncomfortable (which they ARE!).  I feel like crying myself  :)

Be extra kind and gentle with your little ones after they get their immunizations.  A fever reducer (dosage by age and weight, of course) might alleviate their discomfort.  I know I'm going to go take some Tylenol before I go to bed.

The things we do to protect our children and ourselves...

How not to have an unexpected home birth

This post is in honor of my second child (whose birthday is today), who made his entrance in a most unusual manner...in the bathroom of our apartment.

How not to have an unexpected home birth -
1. When the doctor says that labor the second time should be about 1/2 the duration of the first labor, realize that this is just a statistic.  Reality doesn't always mimic statistics.  First time - 22 hours.  Second time - 3 hours.
2. When your water breaks, this is an indication that maybe you should go have things checked out.  Don't wait until contractions become regular.
3. Sometimes contractions never become regular.  More intense, yes.  Regular, not necessarily.
4. When you feel a great desire to go to the bathroom, it might be too late.  It WAS too late.
5. Calling the doctor during the actual birth will not make the doctor happy.  Well, I wasn't too happy with him either!

Thankfully, everything turned out fine and Baby was healthy and happy...and all my subsequent babies were born in the hospital  :)

Things I wish I'd known when I had my first baby

Nothing changes your life like a newborn baby.  For the first time, you are totally responsible for someone other than yourself and that is an intimidating realization.  Most of us go into this awesome responsibility pretty clueless and I was no exception :)  Here are some of the things I learned very quickly -






1. Babies cry.
2. Babies don't need most of the gimmicks and gadgets advertised in stores.  Their needs are pretty basic.
3. Breastfeeding doesn't come naturally!!!
4. Eat healthy and drink lots of liquid.
5. Sleep when Baby sleeps.
6. Your baby will eventually sleep through the night.
7. Always bring several diapers, wipes and changes of clothing whenever you go out with Baby.
8. You're going to be changing Baby a lot!  Forget about fussy and complicated clothes- easy access is most important.
9. Accept help.

10. Don't forget about your husband!
11. It won't be long before you develop a new routine with your new little family.
12.  You will fall in love with this little person and her first smile will melt your heart.

Picky Eaters

Most moms at one time or another have a picky eater. You work hard to provide good nutritious food and your child turns up her little nose at it and says "Yuck!"  Now, before you get too worked up over this, let's do some thinking.  Is there any food you don't like?  I dislike mushrooms so much that if I am served them, I will actually pick them out of the food.  I won't say anything to anyone around me but it is the one food I will not eat.  How about your husband?  Could children have preferences also?  So, if your child only dislikes a few kinds of food, it's probably best to respect that and not make a big deal of it. Our likes and dislikes of any particular food is purely an individual matter.  One of my children thoroughly dislikes potatoes.  I thought everyone liked potatoes!  We appointed him the potato chef and taught him how to make potatoes taste really good.  He became quite expert and quite proud of his creations.  He still won't eat most potatoes but he makes the best mashed potatoes from scratch than anyone I know!

But what if your child doesn't seem to like anything?  Try to do a little detective work.  Does he like to "graze" throughout the day?  Maybe he fills up on other things and isn't hungry at regular mealtimes.  Does he eat a lot of sweets and other snacks?  Again, he might not be hungry when dinner comes around.  Does he drink a lot of milk and/or other beverages?  Same result...not hungry.  If you cut back on the availability of  sugar-laden food and munchies, your child might actually have an appetite at mealtimes.

Also, it's best not to make mealtimes a power struggle.  I think it's reasonable to ask your child to try something but definitely not reasonable to expect him to clean his plate!   Don't put large servings on his plate.  Sometimes a full plate looks pretty overwhelming.  And you certainly don't want to encourage habits that can contribute to obesity later.

To be fair, this little guy is not a picky eater!

If your child is too full for dinner, then it stands to reason that he's automatically too full for dessert.  Be consistent about that!  Offer to save his dinner in case he's hungry later but don't fix him something else or sneak him his dessert or give in to whining.

The most important thing is to remain calm and respond in a firm but gentle voice.  Your child won't starve if he isn't fed constantly throughout the day.  Mealtimes can be a pleasant time...it just might take a little work and a little time to get there.

Babies cry

Poor little guy!

It's a fact of life that babies cry.  Sometimes the reason why is obvious (hungry, diaper change, discomfort) while other times, you have no idea what the problem is.  You do everything possible, try rocking the baby, pacing the floor, anything you can think of and still baby cries.  At this point, you are very frustrated. BUT...before you get too frustrated, or worse yet, desperate, may I suggest that you just put baby in his crib, pat his little back, cover him with a blanket, put on some soft music, turn off the lights and gently close the door to his room.  Continue to check on him every 15 minutes or so or sooner if you hear something different in his cry.   Baby will be ok if you let him cry for a while.  It's not your fault if you've met all of his needs and he still cries.  Some babies just cry more than others.  You're not a bad parent and this stage won't last.

Divide and Conquer

You'd think that the more kids you have, the easier it gets.  Well, that tends to be true with the exception of baby number three.  The first baby does change your life forever but one baby is pretty portable.  You can take her just about anywhere and fit her into most of your plans.  With two, you've gotten the hang of how to take care of a baby and your life doesn't change drastically.  Enter baby number three.  All of a sudden, you're outnumbered...two adults and three children!  If you have your children close together (as I did), you could be trying to juggle three kids under the age of four.  This takes some creativity and daring if you ever want to leave your house.  I had a double stroller but that was cumbersome.  What I really liked was a baby front carrier and then later a baby backpack.  With an extra hand free again, I could navigate stores and other public places without going crazy. What made me think of this?  Last week I watched three of my grandchildren in a church lobby while their parents were in a meeting.  The oldest is not yet four, the next is two and the baby is two months old.  The baby started crying and the older two immediately decided that "divide and conquer" was the way to have a good time.  They looked at each other and took off in opposite directions, squealing at the top of their lungs.  And the baby cried.  And I was trying to keep them quiet because we were at a church.  Memories came rushing back as I tried to gather two kids (who went limp when I took their hand) and calm the crying baby.  I felt immediate sympathy and admiration for my son and daughter-in-law.  But, things do get better.   It isn't long before the kids grow into their new roles and you find ways to cope....just in time for baby number four!