Child-centric or adult-centric?

Should a family be child-centric or adult-centric?  That's not as easy a question as it might appear.  Children play a very large role in the decisions parents make and consume most of the time of the mother, especially in the early years...ok, whatever age they are!  :)  And yet, if the spouse is ignored, the marriage suffers.  Achieving a balance is as hard as walking a tightrope over a deep canyon during a windstorm!

I would like to suggest that you work on being family-centric...with the needs of the family, individually and collectively, being forefront in all plans and decisions.  Life is not a smooth, even journey from one point to another.  There are detours, highs and lows, challenges and unexpected events that shape what we do each day.

Having a tea party with his daughter  :)

Children's needs are ever-present and cannot be put off.  But, that isn't a bad thing.  Children also bring inconceivable joy and an opportunity to be a little child-like yourself!  Who doesn't like to swing on a swing, run through a puddle, throw snowballs or watch a Disney matinee from time to time?  Children don't have to be a burden or inconvenience!  In fact if they seem to be, then maybe your focus is too adult-centered and quite honestly, selfish.

Tired parents can still find time to connect as a couple and enjoy each other...without the kids.  And, those are the times NOT to focus on the children!  No griping or complaining allowed!  Try to concentrate on your relationship in those few precious hours you have together.

Being a successful family takes work.  But with work comes happy, well-adjusted children and a strong marriage.  So, when you're walking that swaying tightrope, hang on, keep your eye on the final destination....and DON'T LOOK DOWN!

What did you want to be when you grew up?

When I was in junior high school, we had an assignment to write about how we imagined our lives would be as adults.  That was easy!  I already had it all figured out.  :) I was never going to marry or have children.  I was going to be a librarian and have a cat or two.  My life would be bliss.  :)

Fast forward a few years.  In high school I was sure I was going to be a home economics teacher.  Still wasn't sure about the marriage stuff but it didn't seem quite so abhorrent by that time.  Kids?  Maybe one or two.

Fast forward a few more years (ok, a LOT of years!) and I'm a happy stay-at-home mother of eight wonderful children.  I can't imagine life without them.  Who would have thought?!

Our kids are a blessing!

Sometimes the life we were meant to have is far better than the life we thought we wanted.  Having children was the one of the best things that ever happened to me.  Because of them, I had to learn things like patience, tolerance, self-control, and selflessness.  I learned what unconditional love is all about.  I would do anything for them.

Sure, there are frustrations and challenges but I wouldn't change the life I chose.   What a blessing children are.

It's Fall!

A watchful eye and protective presence

Good Mom, walking her daughter to school.

While running an errand early this morning, I noticed a little 6 or 7 year old girl walking to school.  She was alone and still had 4 blocks before getting to the school grounds.  I wished someone was walking with her.  She was too young to be walking alone.  Where was her mother?  Who sent her out the door this morning?

It's easy to become complacent about our children.   "She'll be ok.  It's only 6 blocks."  But who wants to take that chance?

Last week, two children (with whom I am acquainted) were hit by cars in two separate instances.  One survived with a broken knee, cuts and bruises.  The other, a sweet little toddler, died.   Such a tragedy and at least in the case of the toddler, preventable. 

The safety of our children is one of our important responsibilities.  Bad things happen.  And although we can't protect our children from everything, we CAN protect them from many things.  We can see that they get to and from school safely.  We can be watchful as they play.  We can know who their friends (and their families) are.  We can be diligent in using appropriate car restraints.  We can provide a safe environment at home. 

Hindsight is a powerful teacher but it can also be a heartbreaking lesson that no one wants to happen to their precious children.  Take good care of your little ones.  No one or nothing can replace them.

Grandma used to say...

This well-known saying has been around for generations and is as appropriate now as it was when my grandmother said it. 

Do you really need it?
Can you live without it?
What would happen if you didn't have it?
Can something else work in its place?

If those questions were asked every time you went to the store or drove by a yard sale or saw an advertisement in the newspaper, would you bring home as many impulse items?  Would your closets be as full of duplicate (or similar) clothes?  Would there be more room in your home?

So much of what we own falls into the "I wanted it" category rather than the "I needed it" category.  There's nothing wrong with buying things we want unless we don't have the money for it or place for it or the money could have been spent more wisely elsewhere.

Bringing back some of our parents and grandparents values isn't such a bad idea.  It worked for them and it can work for us.  Worth a try, anyway!

Yummies from the garden!

Now, this was a fun salad to make and eat!  I went into my garden and brought in several kinds of lettuce, three kinds of tomatoes, cucumbers apples and one lone broccoli floret.  Chopped everything up (except the broccoli), put it in a bowl, added a handful of cashew pieces and some grilled chicken and topped it with the broccoli floret  :)   Served it with a pretzel roll and ate it! 

Fresh veggies from the garden are soooo good!

A different perspective

Each generation can learn from the previous one!

As a child, you watched your parents from the eyes of a child.  Now that you're a parent yourself, you might understand why your parents did the things they did.  That realization might come when you hear yourself sounding just like your mother or doing the same thing your father did.

Your parents were not perfect.  They made mistakes and had their own struggles.  You might not have been a perfect little angel yourself!  :)  But looking back, you can learn from their successes and even their failures.

I'd like to suggest you ask yourself two things.
1. In what ways were your parents successful in raising their children?
2. What don't you want to repeat as you raise your own children?

From my own experience, I can say that my mother was extremely patient and had a calm presence.  If she was stressed out, I didn't notice it (as a child).  She was active and involved in the family and community.  She didn't allow any swearing or crude language.

Less positive...my mother was somewhat indifferent to housekeeping.   Maybe because of that, I don't like clutter or messes.  Also, I wish religion had been more important to the family as I was growing up.

Doing this little two question exercise will help you identify traits and behaviors you want to pass on to your children and which things you want to change.  The good things your parents did should be implemented in your own home, while the things that didn't work out so well should be replaced with better methods.

Build on their successes and bury their shortcomings.  Learn from them!