More isn't always better

My daughter is getting married in two weeks and today she showed me the cute little apartment she and her future husband are going to move into.  As I walked through the empty rooms I thought back to the time my husband and I furnished our first apartment.  We had so little in the way of furnishings but were happy with the hand-me-downs we acquired and the well thought out purchases we made.  We didn't need a lot to make us happy.

More isn't always better.  Somehow, along the road of life, we accumulate more and more possessions, thinking that we need them or that they will add to the richness of our lives.  Instead we find that they are only things, after all.  They cannot make us happy.  It's the experiences and memories and relationships that give us joy and happiness. 

We all need a certain amount of things to be comfortable and manage our homes.  But beware of advertising that tries to convince you that you must have --- to raise a child or clean your house or cook your meals or be successful in any aspect of your life.

If you have a good relationship with your husband and children and take care of the things you do have, the humblest home is a lovely and welcoming place!  Without them, the most lavish mansion is nothing but a shell. 

Distraction

Five year old with splinter in pinkie finger, "OW, OW, OW!  IT'S GONNA HURT!  DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT!  OW! OW! etc...
Me (pointing to ceiling), "Hey!  Look at that spider on the ceiling!  (imaginary spider)
Five year old (eyes searching ceiling), "Where, where?"
Me (quickly removing splinter), "Splinter's gone."
Five year old, "Huh?  When did you do that?"

Ah, yes, the fine art of distraction.  Try it sometime!  (and watch out for those imaginary spiders!)

The Unloved Box

It seems like there are always toys and kid stuff scattered all over the house.  You tell your children to pick up and put away their things but they missed some...or a lot.  You don't want to nag and make a big deal out of it.  You don't want to be constantly picking up after them.  So, what do you do?  Bring out the Unloved Box.  Gather up all the miscellaneous stuff that isn't where it belongs and put it in the Unloved Box.  When your child starts looking for a missing item, take him to look in the Unloved Box.  Lo and behold!  The missing item!  To get it back, he will need to earn it back, usually through some additional chores or special project you come up with for him to do.  At the end of the week (usually on Saturday morning) have a time set aside for your kids to retrieve the rest of their unloved things and earn them back; for small things, small assignments and for larger amounts or repeat offenders, more involved projects. 

Usually just a casual mention of getting out the Unloved Box will get kids scurrying all over the house to find their things and put them away.  Mission accomplished!

Springtime Activities

Now that it's Spring, it's time to get out of the house with the kids and enjoy the beauties of nature and the community you live in.  Inexpensive adventures are all around you!  Here are a few...

1. Neighborhood parks - Ok, the first one is pretty obvious.  You are probably very well acquainted with the local park in your neighborhood.  That's good!  But, what about some of the other parks within a five mile radius?  Sometimes kids get bored with the same old thing so explore other parks and see what they have to offer.

2. Take a hike - Usually there are places to hike within a short distance of where you live.  Start out slow and teach the kids some basic orienteering skills, like trail map reading and using a compass, and what to do if you get lost.

3. Community Parks and Recreation programs often offer free outdoor concerts and activities.  Take advantage of them.

4.  Start a garden.  It can be something really small or more ambitious but let your kids be in charge of growing something.  I'd suggest the Square Foot Gardening approach.  It doesn't take up much room and it's possible to grow a variety of things in a small space.

5. Often zoos and children's museums have family and/or yearly memberships and even though the price might seem high initially, you usually get more than your money's worth over the year.  Also, by being a member, you get reduced rates on classes and special events.

6. Start a fitness program for yourself and your children.   Map out a route in your neighborhood and take a daily walk, run or bike ride with the kids.  Everyone benefits!

These are just a few ideas.  I'm sure you have many more.  If you'd like to share, please do so! 

Behavior Chips

As children grow and change, your way of dealing with behavior problems has to change too.  Time out works for toddlers and preschoolers but it isn't effective for children once they reach school age.  Probably the most effective method we came up with was what we called Behavior Chips.  These chips were nothing more than white poker chips.  Each child had a small bowl of ten chips.  The goal was to see how many chips they could maintain throughout the day.  Chips were taken away for various misbehavior, like hitting, back-talking, lying, teasing, whatever.  If someone got below five chips, they usually were given an early dinner and early bedtime.  And, we tried to do something special for the kids who still had nine or ten chips at the end of the day.

Someone once asked why I didn't just give chips for good behavior.  Well, the idea was that we start each new day perfect.  Each day is a fresh beginning, no matter how bad the previous day was.  So, we start out with a perfect number of chips and go from there.

Occasionally, we played around with the idea of using the red and blue chips to reward various good behavior but that seemed to complicate things.   Like most things, the easier something is, the more likely it is to be successful. 

Although it was a simple idea, the kids responded to it and it provided a visual reminder to them of how they were doing throughout the day.  Not bad for a few poker chips  :)

The firstborn

Studies have been conducted and books written on the subject of birth order and how it shapes ones personality.  Even within the framework of first, middle and last born children, there are so many variables to make it hard to make judgements based solely on birth order.  Technically, I am the third of four children, making me a middle child, yet my younger sister was born 10 years after me so I was also the youngest child for ten years.  But, there is one position that stays constant...that of the firstborn.  He or she is the one who changes your life forever.  One day you are childless, and the next day you have a tiny bundle in your arms.  Whether you realize it or not, you have expectations of what motherhood will be like and that little baby will either validate those expectations or completely surprise you (that's an understatement!).

Your firstborn also has a unique role in the family.  He or she is going to be the trailblazer for the rest of the children.  Every milestone will be new, not only for him, but for you too.  You and she will be constantly learning together how to navigate the experiences that make your family what it is.  As mothers, we tend to react in one of two ways - either we're overprotective because we don't want to see our child struggle or we thrust too much responsibility on her at an early age.  It would be wise to make a concerted effort to avoid both extremes.  We have to let our firstborn develop at his or her own pace and neither hold her back or push her too soon.  It's hard enough for the poor kid anyway!

A special thank you to my firstborn daughter for setting such a good example for the rest of her brothers and sisters and for being so forgiving of my mistakes! 

News travels fast!

I love technology!  I love skyping with family, love texting, love Facebook, love blogging.  With all these advances, I can keep in touch with friends from elementary school and high school, cousins, nieces and nephews I never got to know in person, and interact with people who share similar interests and ideas.  I can keep in touch with my children and get messages to them quickly if I need to.  With all that said, there are some things that shouldn't be learned through social media.  If there's something personal happening in your life (like a birth, death, illness, wedding engagement, divorce etc.), you might want to consider letting the people who are closest to you know about it before sharing it with the world.  A quick phone call (or text if you can't reach the person by phone) to the important people in your life will avoid hurt feelings, misunderstandings, miscommunications and possible offense.  Word travels so fast these days and you want to make sure the special people in your life are the first to know the news!

PS...There are some things that you shouldn't share with anyone.  But hopefully, you know that already!  If not, I'll cover that some other time...