Your ADHD child

One active, adorable little boy! 

A good friend asked me for advice on how to help her ADHD 7 year old boy.  Having been through the experience (and lived to tell about it!), I thought it would be a good article for Momcoach.  Here goes…

My dear friend,

I know how you’ve struggled with Chris over the years and how frustrated you are with his inability to focus, learn and obey.  He is a sweet child and it’s obvious he wants to learn how to control his body and mind.  His inability to sit still and do his schoolwork or follow directions isn’t his fault…nor is it your fault.  It’s just part of who he is.  So, no blaming!

Let’s start with his physical environment-

Children with attention deficit disorders need two things…order and routine.  An orderly home brings a feeling of peace and comfort to every member of the family but especially for your overly active child.   He doesn’t need additional stimulation from his environment!  As a mother, that is something you can do that will make a big difference in his behavior.  If necessary, declutter and simplify your home and especially his room and belongings.  Make it easier for him to succeed.  

And routines…I’m not talking about strict, military-type rules and regulations.  Routines are just a framework for your day.  I always kept mine simple yet flexible in case something came up that needed to be addressed.  All kids feel more comfortable knowing what to expect each day…like they know they’ll get up sometime around 7 am (or whatever), dress and have breakfast around 8 am, clean their room and be ready for schoolwork by 9 am.   Then, schoolwork from 9-11 am (for homeschoolers), a walk or exercise of some sort followed by lunch at noon.  And so on…

Which reminds me – The one thing that kept me sane was a quiet time for the kids after lunch.  In order to be a good mom, I had to take care of me.  By structuring the day so the kids had quiet time (or nap time for the little ones) for about 2 hours in the middle of the day, it made it possible for me to either take a nap also (if it had been a rough night) or work on a project that I enjoyed doing or read or do whatever I wanted.  I will repeat...you have to take care of yourself!

So you have a clean, orderly house and have reasonable routines.  Already you have made a difference in your child’s life.  He knows what to expect each day and he isn’t overstimulated by chaos or clutter.  What next? 

Learn how to communicate effectively with him.  Because he has trouble focusing, he probably doesn’t respond to directions very well.  You can make it easier for him.  First, make eye contact and get his attention.  Make sure his focus is on you.  Don’t repeat yourself over and over again or yell.  He will just learn how to tune you out.  Remember, he has a legitimate disorder that makes it difficult to process and focus.  You have to treat him in a way that will result in success.  Have I said that before?  That’s because it’s so important – you want him to succeed and you have to learn how to help him achieve that success.  It’s as much about you as it is about him.  It might be inconvenient for you to stop what you’re doing to help him follow a direction but it is part of developing good communication skills and also learning work habits.  An example – say you want Chris to clean up his room.  Do you say, “Go clean your room.”?  Probably not.  How about saying, “Chris, I want you to pick up your dirty clothes and put them in the hamper now.”  And then, “Chris, put your toys in their bins.”  For a child who reads, sometimes writing out a list is helpful to remind him what is expected in cleaning his room.  You could give him a card that lists the 5 things you expect for his room to be clean.  Now he doesn’t have to remember everything but can check off finished chores on his list.  You get the idea.

Now, about schoolwork…as much as possible, cut out distractions! If that means making him a special, quiet corner of the family room for him to work, do it!  If that means no background TV noises or music, that’s ok.  Expect him to have a short attention span.  It’s amazing how much can be learned in a short period of time.  Don’t worry about him not being able to sit for half hour at a time.  Many adults have a hard time sitting still too!  Break up the learning into manageable bits.  Try to find ways to make learning “real”.   Ask for his help counting cans in the pantry.  Have him help you make a grocery list.  Have him read signs when you’re driving.  Learning should be a way of life, not a series of workbooks and texts.  Be positive!  Praise his efforts!   

I am probably overwhelming you right now.  One more thing…consistency.   That’s right, you need to be consistent in the way you treat Chris and your other children.  Chris needs to know what to expect from you.  He is trying to figure out his world and you can help him by consistently following through on the things you tell him, and the things you do.  

To sum this all up…

Order and routine.

Effective communication.

Eliminate distractions.

Consistency.

While you cannot control Chris or any other child, you have complete control over you.  The way you act, the things you do and say, the things you accept and the things you will not tolerate, all help your little guy make sense of his world.  He needs your love, your time and your patience.  Maybe I should have devoted a paragraph on patience.  Change doesn’t happen overnight.  Sometimes it takes only days but some things might take years but however long it takes, it’s worth it.  Trust me, I know.  :)

Gone in a flash!

Periodically I buy a large round roast to use for several meals.  I trim it, put it in the crock pot, sprinkle a package of Liptons Onion Soup mix over the top and add about one cup of water.  Covered and cooked for 5-6 hours on high and I end up with tender, lightly seasoned meat.  One roast usually makes enough meat for at least 6 meals.  Some gets shredded, some is cut up into chunks, some sliced and some left in a hunk for a pot roast.  Then I put everything into zip lock freezer bags and freeze until I'm ready to use it.

Today was one of those roast-cooking days.  I went to Costco and picked up a 5 pound slab of meat.  After cooking it, I decided it was one of the best roasts I've ever made...tender and easily shredded but not dry.  I used some of it to make broccoli stir-fry for dinner tonight and it was perfect! 

Then it happened.  I transferred the roast into a 13 X 9 inch pyrex baking dish to cool in the refrigerator.  As I was moving it onto the shelf, the refrigerator door started closing and the dish slipped out of my hand, landing with a loud shattering crash on the kitchen floor!  Glass, meat and juices scattered everywhere!  For one tiny brief second, I though about trying to save some of the meat.  NO WAY.  It was gone.  Sigh...

Sometimes, our best efforts to save money and save time disappear in a flash.  Just glad no one got cut.  I'll be more careful next time!

A cure for the winter blahs

 Today is a cold, wet, dreary day. The kind of day where the kids have to be indoors and everyone is restless and going crazy.  What's a poor mother to do?

Let's have a party!

Why, throw a Happy Unbirthday Party, of course!  Who needs a reason to have a party?  Run to your closest Dollar Store and pick up a few party supplies (banners, balloons,
plates, napkins, table cloths, even some cheap favors).  Make or buy brightly colored cupcakes.  Sing "Happy Unbirthday to you"!  Plan a couple of games or pick out a fun DVD to watch.  Turn the doldrums into an unexpected celebration! 
Sometimes we all just need to relax and have fun and what better time to do that than a cold winter day?

Correction not criticism

Little imp!  :)

Because no one is perfect (not you nor your children), you can be assured that your children will misbehave.  It's part of their growing up process...learning to control their impulses, learning what is appropriate, learning right and wrong. 

As a mother, you are learning and growing too which sometimes leads to unpleasant confrontations and criticisms.  Those are emotional reactions, not especially helpful in dealing with a misbehaving child or teenager.  Instead of criticizing. let's aim at correction.

When you respond emotionally, your child is going to respond the same way and that is only going to escalate emotions, not solve a problem.  What you want from your child is for him to know what he did wrong and come up with more appropriate ways to act.  You want him to correct his behavior.

Can you respond to a whinny child calmly?  Can you talk with your belligerent teenager quietly and  without overreacting?  That, my dear friend, is your challenge.  You already know that you can't change someone else, you can only change yourself.  But the good thing is that by changing yourself, you often cause someone else to change which is what you wanted all along.  It's a win-win situation. 

The key is correction, not criticism.

You can do something!

My son posted this quote this morning and I liked it so much I made a sign of it.

Being a mom can feel so overwhelming, it's hard to know what to do first.  The best thing to do is just do something!  It's amazing what can be done in 10 or 15 minutes.  You don't really need a large block of time to do many things.  Usually the annoying tasks that we have to do regularly are fairly quick to accomplish.  Take advantage of those small blocks of time and just do it!

Warning - serious topic

A tragic news article prompted me to write today.  A 29 year old mother couldn't stand hearing her young babies and toddler crying so she tried to kill them.  Now the mother is in jail facing attempted murder charges and her three little children (aged 2 and twins 6 months old) are fighting for their lives.

You think, "How could this happen?"  "What could have been done to prevent it?"

The vast majority of mothers (and fathers) would never dream of hurting their children, no matter how frustrated they are. Yet, periodically there are stories like the one above that are sobering reminders that coping strategies must be taught to parents, especially vulnerable ones.

Young children cry.  No doubt about it.  Babies cry.  They cry because that's the only way they know how to communicate.  They cry because they are tired or hungry or need a diaper change, or are too hot or too cold, or are getting sick, or teething, or in other discomfort.  During sleep they might have had a frightening dream or been startled by some noise.  Sometimes, they cry for no apparent reason.

To cope with a crying baby, consider the following -
1. Babies feel tenseness in people around them.  If their crying makes you tense and anxious, they very possibly might cry more.  Try to remain calm and soothing.  No shouting or yelling!
2. Check for the obvious reasons for the crying.  Feet and hands cold?  Cover them.  Baby sweating? She's too hot.  Remove some layers.  Change diaper.  If baby is young, try feeding him.  Check for signs of discomfort.
3. If all the above fails, soothe baby with quiet, gentle words and put her gently back in her crib and close the door. 
4. If your baby seems like she is in pain, call the pediatrician, even in the middle of the night.  All doctors that I know have answering services that can help you determine whether your baby's symptoms are urgent or can wait until morning.
5. Periodically check on her but try to avoid disturbing her.  Yes, you are not going to get very much sleep but remind yourself that this stage of your child's life is a short one. 

If you find yourself unable to remain calm and get increasingly frustrated, even angry, you need to discuss this with your doctor immediately.  She can help you with additional coping strategies.  You might be suffering from a severe form of postpartum depression.

You need to schedule an appointment with your baby's doctor also to rule out possible physical reasons for her distress.

Having a "safe" person (a friend or family member) available to call when you are at your wits end, will help you calm down and think rationally.  Talk with someone you trust and ask him or her to be that safe person for you.

If your feelings intensify, put your crying baby in her crib and close the door. Then call your safe person or the doctor.  Do not give in to impulsive actions. 

Make sure your husband, babysitters and other care givers know what to do if they feel overwhelmed by your baby's crying. Teach them if necessary.

No one likes to hear a baby cry but it's a fact of life that they do.  If you are unable to cope with your children for whatever reason, you must find help.  It's possible to learn the strategies that will help you be a calmer mother and learn how to handle your own emotions in a healthy way.

Every innocent young baby deserves to be safe and loved.

The finished quilt!

I finally finished my quilts!!!

Frozen...food not the movie :)

Years ago, when I heard about the idea of making a month's worth of meals in a day, I was intrigued.  Then I thought about the practicalities...with a family of 10, that would fill up a HUGE freezer!  Also, the idea of spending an entire day planning and grocery shopping for those meals and another entire day in the kitchen preparing them sounded like torture!  The less time I spend in the kitchen, the better!

But...I came up with a compromise that worked for my large family and works even better for smaller families!  I don't prepare complete meals but I do make some things in large quantity for throwing together into a dinner later.  Things that take a relatively long time to cook, I'll make at least double and sometimes more to freeze for later.  It takes no extra time to make 8 cups of rice than it takes to make 4 cups.

Here's an example - I had a dinner in mind but my husband said he felt like Cashew Chicken.  He also said it probably would take too long IF we had all the ingredients.  I just smiled and headed into the kitchen.  I pulled out a quart freezer bag of cooked chicken breast cubes, a freezer bag of cooked brown rice, and a handful of toasted cashews from the freezer.  With the addition of a can of chicken broth, some Asian spices, chopped onion, garlic and celery, some thickener and soy sauce, my Cashew Chicken was ready to eat in 15 minutes.  Super easy, super fast and didn't taste like it had been in the freezer  :)

Some of the best things to make in quantity and freeze in portions are beef, chicken, and ham.  I'll take two fairly large beef roasts and cook them in the crock pot.  When finished cooking, I'll take one roast and divide it in half.  One half goes in a freezer bag as is...that will be for a pot roast later.  The other half gets cut in cubes for stew or soups and divided in more freezer bags.  The other roast I'll shred for BBQ beef, taco or burrito meat, and beef and gravy.  Again, it gets divided into several freezer bags.  Chicken is prepared similarly...several chicken breasts cooked or grilled then frozen for teriyaki chicken, stir fry, pot pies...you get the idea.  With the meat already cooked, the rest of the meal is easy and quick to prepare.  I also regularly freeze brown rice as it takes fairly long to cook and sometimes, I don't have that much time.  It freezes wonderfully. 

When freezing, I like using freezer bags because they are compact and stackable.  Rigid containers sometimes leave too much airspace and therefore, take up extra space.  Always label what is in the bag, how much and when it was prepared.  

Whatever you cook regularly is a possible candidate for making in bulk and freezing.  It saves on energy and time, which is a great help for a busy mom!  If unexpected visitors arrive just in time for dinner, it's so easy to pull out another bag of meat, thaw it and add to your meal.  What could be easier?  Ok, calling out for pizza...   :)

  

Chasing Chase

As my husband and I were sitting in a buffet restaurant, I couldn't help but notice the little boy at the next table.  I soon learned that his name was Chase and he was three years old.  I'm not sure if the name "Chase" was prophetic or he just grew into his name, but he definitely kept his mom and dad chasing him throughout their meal...and for such a little guy, he sure could run fast!

At one point, the dad got up to refill his plate and left mom with Chase.  He was bouncing on the bench and trying to escape his mom's clutches.  Getting more and more exasperated, the mom shouted that if he didn't stop he wouldn't get any dessert.  (the usual threat at a restaurant)  These threats continued to escalate in volume and Chase paid no attention.  In fact, he turned to her, laughed and pointed his finger like a gun and pretended to shoot her!   The mom had enough.  She emphatically declared that there would be NO dessert at all tonight. 

I leaned towards my husband and whispered, "Just watch...he'll get dessert."  Sure enough, it wasn't five minutes later before dear little Chase was smugly licking a big drippy ice cream cone. 

Is it any wonder why some children misbehave?  Moms, you have to be consistent!  You have to be in control of yourself.  You are setting an example for your children.  You shouldn't make any threat that you aren't willing to carry out and that threat (or warning) should only be told once before the consequence is implemented.

By following through and being consistent, you are teaching your children (even young toddlers) that they can trust that what Mom says, Mom means.   The sooner they learn that, the sooner you'll find peace in your home.  You might even be able to take your children out in public occasionally  :) 

A wild and crazy birthday cake!

A wild and crazy cake!

Birthday traditions...every family has them.  And even within a family, some kids develop their own unique traditions that they HAVE to have  :)  Such is the case with one of my daughters.  From the time she was 12, she has always requested a "colorful" cake.  So, every year I try to out-do myself with coming up with a wild and colorful cake  :)

A few months ago, I saw a fantastically beautiful cake on Pinterest.  (Found on tablespoon.com)  I immediately knew what I was doing for my daughter's next birthday!  Let's just say, as usual, my "creation" didn't turn out quite like the amazing picture I pinned but it was a big success anyway!

 For a three layer cake you'll need...
2 white cake mixes + the ingredients to make the cake as directed
Buttercream frosting...from a can, a mix or from scratch
Gel or paste food coloring in a variety of colors
Candy Melts in a variety of colors
Corn syrup
Heavy whipping cream

First, I used two traditional boxes of white cake mix and mixed it up as directed.  Then before pouring it into pans (Four  8" round cake pans), I divided the batter into 6 bowls.  Each bowl of batter got dyed a different color.  Then I randomly plopped blobs of colored batter into the pans.  A quick swirl with a knife through the colors and they were ready for the oven.

Colorful batter!

Plop the batter into the pans...

Swirl gently with a knife...

Fresh out of the oven.

After the cakes were cooled, I trimmed off the rounded tops.  I only needed three cakes so the fourth went into the freezer for another day.   Using a basic buttercream frosting, I stacked and frosted the cake, trying to get the top as smooth as possible.  I'm NO cake decorator so my results were less than perfect, but...oh well  :) 

A turntable would have been handy...

I put the frosted cake on top of a large can so I could turn it easily and put a piece of parchment paper underneath the can to catch drips.
I used six colors of candy melts (should have stuck with the lighter/brighter colors...purple was too dark).   Candy melts were divided into six bowls with 5 oz melts in each bowl.  Also, in each bowl went 2 T. corn syrup and 4 T. heavy cream.   Microwaved until everything was melted, stirring occasionally.  The consistency should be slightly thickened.

Purple was probably too dark but the rest were perfect!

Then the fun part...
Alternating colors, I dripped spoonfuls of melted candy melts over the cake, letting it drip over the sides and over the top.  (If the melts get too thick, add a little more corn syrup.  If too thin, let it cool slightly.)

And that's all there is to it!  A cacophony of colors for a girl who likes her cakes wild!

YUMMY!

But wait...there's more!
The melts that dripped onto the parchment make wonderful finger paints!

Have fun!

Lighten your load!

I grew up in Southern California where the temperatures stay mild throughout the year...no winter blizzards, ice storms or temps dipping below freezing for several weeks at a time.  But, I have to say, I really love the winters of the Pacific Northwest.  Not being inclined to spend much time outdoors when it's rainy and cold gives me lots of time to take care of procrastinated indoor projects.

Yesterday, I spent the day sorting papers. It's time to clear out 2014 and make way for 2015.  Tax receipts are now in a folder, ready to process once the W-2's come in.  Receipts are either filed or shredded.  New file folders are set up.  Other files have been sorted and/or disposed of.  It feels so good to have a fresh start! 

Next on the agenda is another round of clutter control.  Like paperwork, clutter has a habit of piling up  :)  It's not a one time process.  Kids grow out of clothes or get them so stained and dirty that they're no good for hand-me-downs.  Get rid of them!  Make room for new and current clothes.  Same with toys.  And how about the items gathering dust in the kitchen and family room?  If no one is using them, find them a new home!

January is such a great time to tackle paperwork and clutter!  It's a new month and a new year.  Put those dreary days to good use and free yourself and your family from the burden of piles (either paper or "things").  Lighten your load and you'll lighten your spirits!

Happy January!

Time to unplug

Several times a week I walk on a beautiful lakeside trail.  Connecting with community and enjoying nature is a perfect way to start a day!  I regularly see serious runners, older couples, teenagers training, exercise groups, people walking to work and of course, moms with strollers  :) 
Today I passed a mom pushing her three year old toddler and noticed that the little boy was completely engrossed in his iPad.  A mile or so later, I saw another young mother with a baby tucked snugly in his stroller, again totally involved in a tablet.  Hmmmmm...why did this bother me so?  Well, for one thing, it was a beautiful winter day and the lake was active with ducks, geese and other water fowl that these little kids were missing.  They also were oblivious to the cars, people, clouds...even how the wind was stirring up the water, making little waves crash against the shore.  Or maybe it's that electronics has become almost like a pacifier.  Fussy baby?  Hand him a tablet programmed with games designed for babies.  Restless kids in the car?  Set them up with their favorite movies.  Sure, it's easy to entertain children with flashy electronics but is it the best thing for them?

Both parents and children miss out on valuable interactions and observations when their eyes and minds are focused on the little device on their laps.  Put away the iPad and point out the geese.  Count the baby ducklings.  Look for ripples that mean fish are near the surface.  Say hello to passers by.  Interact with your children and teach them to look around and enjoy the world around them. 

Maybe we can try to become a little more "unplugged" this year.  It's worth a try  :)

What's cooking? Wednesday - Better than Pumpkin Pie!

This is a repost from 2012, back by popular demand  :) 
I'm so excited for Fall!  That means I can make this dessert more often!  It's easy (no making pie crust), and makes you feel like you're eating something healthy because it's pumpkin.  :)  If I had to pick a non-chocolate dessert, this would be first on my list!

Better than Pumpkin Pie 

1 pkg. yellow or white cake mix, dry
1/2 c. butter, melted
1 29 oz. can 100% pure pumpkin
1 c. sugar
4 eggs or 1 c. egg replacer
2 t. cinnamon
1 t. ginger
1 t. salt

Mix dry cake mix and melted butter together until crumbly. 
Pat 1/2 of the crumbs on bottom of a greased 9X13 pan.
Mix pumpkin, sugar, eggs, and spices with wire whisk until blended.
Pour over crumbs.
Sprinkle remaining crumbs evenly over top.
Bake in 350 degree oven for about 30 minutes or until lightly browned on top.
Let cool.  Serve with whipped topping.

A smile for the day :)

While driving through downtown, I saw this sign in the window of a corner restaurant.  Laughed so hard!  A lady in a car saw me taking the picture, gave me the thumbs up sign and smiled.   Hope it makes you smile too  :)

Social media tips for moms with teens.

Having raised eight teenagers and lived to tell about it, I'd like to share some tips about social media for moms.

1. When your children are old enough for their own Facebook account, make that privilege conditional upon them "friending" you.  As a parent, you need to have some level of control over what your children are doing and who their friends are.
2. Respect your kids and refrain from commenting regularly on their status messages and friend's updates.  No LOL's please!
3. Don't "friend" their friends.  If their friends "friend" you, accept.
4. Don't embarrass them with baby pictures or unflattering pictures without their permission.
5. Teach your kids about social media safety.  No "friending" strangers or even casual acquaintances.  No giving out personal information like phone numbers and addresses in a general post.  If they need to give someone personal information, tell them to message them privately.
6. Along with #5, don't announce vacations, trips and other reasons the family won't be home to the general public either.
7. Save serious discussions for in person.  Facebook isn't the place to "air dirty laundry".

And just for you moms,
8. Don't "friend" old boyfriends.
9. Don't overwhelm your friends with political posts (especially if you are of a different political party).
10. Respect the opinions of others. 
11. Remember, anyone can see what you post online.  Make sure what you post reflects the best of you. 

It's amazing how many teenagers and adults post things that are dangerous, uncomfortable and/or cringe-worthy.  Be wise!

Do you know what your children are being taught?

Our kids are trusting and impressionable!

When you send your children off to school every day, you trust the teacher to teach the basic educational curriculum that will prepare them to reach their future goals.  You expect them to become proficient in math, the sciences, literacy.  You expect them to be treated with fairness and be protected from harm.  You expect that the things they learn won't clash with your values and standards.

Teachers are wonderful people who devote their lives to teaching and training young minds and should be respected for their dedication to their
profession.  Too often though, teachers have little control over the curriculum they are required to present.  They are required to adhere to the dictates given them by school boards and federal mandates.   These may or may not reflect your standards.

Do you know what your children are being taught?  Don't assume you know.  I strongly recommend that you ask permission to check over the textbooks and other material your children are being taught.  Pay attention to laws passed as they concern education.   Know what your children should be mastering at each grade.  Become involved in their schools.  Volunteer.  Ask for parent/teacher conferences if necessary.  Join the PTA and other organizations.  When parents get involved, change can happen.

There are many options for our children's education that weren't available even a few years ago.  Many schools are willing to work with families.  When that isn't a possibility, there are alternatives...online schools, charter schools and/or homeschool, even a combination of some or all of the above. 

I believe that you have the right to see that your children are taught in accordance with the values you hold as a family.  Your children are impressionable and believe the things they are taught in school.  Be a responsible parent and educate yourself.   Know what they are learning!  Stand up for them and the values you hold dear.

Take control of the holidays!

The scariest part of Halloween is that it signals the beginning of the holiday season.  Sure enough, today while shopping, I heard Christmas songs playing in the stores and was bombarded by endless holiday "sales".  It's enough to make me want to run home and put my pillow over my head!  :)  I'm not ready for winter!  I'm not ready for parties and decorating and buying presents. 

But, it does me no good to fight the inevitable...in less than two months it will be the beginning of a new year.  Christmas IS coming.  Thanksgiving IS coming.  I might as well enjoy it.

Instead of dreading the stress of the holidays, let's try something different this year.  Let's take control of our time and plan things around what WE like!  Gather your family around you sometime this week with a calendar and a good attitude.  Discuss what activities, programs, parties and other obligations you ALL want to participate in.  Mark these on your calendar in pen.  Now, in pencil, write down activities that are specific to certain family members (like school holiday activities and office parties) and which are open to negotiation.  Throw in some special traditions (like looking at Christmas light displays and/or caroling).  Now, very important...schedule in some days that are quiet home days!  Consider those as non-negotiable prior commitments!  Those are the days you can watch favorite holiday movies, make cookies, drink hot chocolate and relax. 

Much of the stress of the holidays is self inflicted.  We choose to say "yes" to too many things.  We forget what the holiday season is most about...family and love and gratitude.  We can take control of our time to make time for those closest to us.  So, dig out those Christmas CD's (my favorite is Handel's Messiah!) and start playing them softly in your home.  Light some sweet smelling candles in the evening (maybe cinnamon?). Decorate when YOU want to, regardless of when everyone else is doing it!  Embrace the things that make you happy.

This season, give your family the gift that money can't buy...a happy, calm, relaxed mother and precious holiday memories.  They will love you for it!

The Three Musketeers

My vote for favorite costume this Halloween  :)  My three little nephews are definitely the Three Musketeers!  Their mommy did a fantastic job making their tunics!  With jeans and white shirt underneath, these costumes are both fun, practical and inexpensive!  Way to go!

Happy Halloween everyone!  Have fun and be safe!

Developing a healthy relationship with your parents

Today I read an article from a mom of two young children, telling readers not to take advice from their parents.  I could take issue with the content of the article (it wasn't well supported) but I think the author has deeper issues than she realizes.

Developing a healthy relationship with your parents (especially your mother) can be a tricky endeavor.  Although you are still (and always will be) their child, you are also an adult who has children of your own.  You and your husband establish rules and practices that you both feel is best for your family.  Hopefully, these decisions take into account the successes and challenges of the families you were raised in, as well as things that are uniquely your own.

If your relationship with your parents is solid, you won't dismiss the advice they give but will listen with respect and consideration.  They might have some good ideas.  Hopefully, you are comfortable talking with them, discussing your problems and concerns, and not intimidated by their suggestions.

The problem arises when you haven't developed a healthy adult relationship.  It's understandable if your parents were truly horrible.  In that case, it might be necessary to distance yourself and your family from their toxic influence but that is extremely rare.  In most instances, your parents were loving, although imperfect, people who tried their best.   It's to your advantage to accept them and their efforts.  You are no longer a child and shouldn't react to them as a child.  It's ok to disagree but it's not ok to be rude and insensitive. It's time to put childish insecurities to rest for the sake of your own children and your sanity.

The adult relationship you develop with your parents will have a big impact on your family over the years.  They are the grandparents of your children.  Try to work with them.   This is an opportunity to create a new, healthy relationship with the people who loved YOU as a child, just as you love YOUR children now.

Dressed for Success

Perfectly dressed for learning and play!

Last week I helped my daughter with her volunteer job supervising the running club of the local elementary school.  Children gather twice a week before school to run laps at the park adjoining the school.  Watching the kids led to some interesting observations.

Do Moms see what their kids wear when they walk out the door?  Do they care?  If not, why not?

A six year old little girl was wearing what could only be described as dress-up shoes.  They were shiny red high heeled pumps.  Really?!?  How could they possibly be good for her feet?   How can she participate in active sports or any activities?  I realize the little girl probably loved those shoes but were they appropriate for school?  I think not!

A girl of probably eight or nine was wearing a tight, short dress.  Again, how can she be comfortable or modest in that apparel?  The simple addition of leggings underneath would have made her outfit far more appropriate for school.

Too short, too long, too baggy, too skimpy, too revealing, too ... And this was only elementary school! 

I know you want your kids to be able to choose but teach them what is appropriate.  Don't let them out of the house until you've checked to make sure they are clean, modest and comfortable. 

Sometimes, I wish kids wore uniforms to school.  :)