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Friday, May 17, 2013

Marriage - fantasy or reality

Seeing eye-to-eye isn't always easy!
Most people think conflicts in marriage are about money, sex, in-laws and child rearing.  Wrong.  Most conflicts in marriage are about expectations.  You have a mind picture of how things ought to be does your husband.  And, you're probably reading from two different scripts.  Like most scripts, a lot of what you are picturing is based on fantasy...a perfect scenario.  But in real life, people rarely act or think in a perfect way so conflict arises.

When your husband doesn't respond how you think he should, try to remember that you are (unconsciously) expecting him to follow your script even though he doesn't even have it.  Not exactly fair, is it?  What you could do is be upfront and tell him what your expectations are.  At least then you'll have a place to start in discussing the problem.  It doesn't mean that your husband will say "Yes, dear" and automatically switch his thinking to your thinking (wishful thinking) but you might be able to reach a mutually agreeable solution.

Your husband probably isn't trying to sabotage your perfect view of how things ought to be any more than you are trying to sabotage his.  Your expectations are different.  That's all.  Share your expectations, work together and come up with something that you both can live with. Then your script can have a real happy ending  :)