Tax Time!

Hopefully by now you have completed your taxes for the year and are ready to cross that off your to-do list for another year. Before you do that however, let's go over a few things.

1. Be sure to make a hard copy of your completed return and accompanying forms (even if you have the information stored on your computer). 
2. Put the forms and all related documents in a file marked Taxes 2012 and file it away in a safe place. See post: Family Command Center
3. Make note of the kinds of receipts you needed for this year and make a new file to hold the same kinds of receipts for next year's taxes.
4. Make any adjustments in tax withholding if you ended up owing taxes or had too much money withheld.
5. Look towards the rest of the year and determine if you will have any unusual circumstances that will require extra documentation.  Make sure to file that information as soon as it happens!
6.  Shred and/or destroy any receipts you have left over from last year (or any other year) that weren't needed to complete your taxes. 
7. Try to get your taxes completed early next year.  Then you won't have to think about it in April.
8. Remember you need to keep all your tax returns indefinitely.   Please don't lose them!

Did I forget anything? 

"Nothing is permanent but change"

The ancient philosopher Heraclitus (about 500 BC) is widely credited for the following..."The only constant in life is change" and "Nothing is permanent but change."  These words of wisdom are as true today as they were thousands of years ago.

Knowing this should give you some measure of comfort as you struggle with the daily demands of motherhood.  Most likely, the things that are a big concern today will not be an issue a year or two from now.  When my daughter was three, I didn't think she'd ever be toilet-trained.  When seven of my kids had chicken pox at the same time, I was sure the sickness would never end!  I didn't think my daughter would ever learn how to drive.  The upheaval of a move seems to be endless.  When the septic system failed, it seemed like the end of the world.  Whatever the problem you're facing today, the one thing you can be sure of is that it won't last forever.

Of course, when one problem gets resolved, it seems like another takes its place.  But at least it will be something different!  :)

The Gripe Write

We called it the Gripe Write.  During a particularly frustrating time when my kids seemed to be constantly whining and complaining, I came up with the idea of having them write down their complaints instead of running to me with every little tattle.  You could almost say it was a very primitive form of blog  :)  My oldest was eleven at the time and her brothers and sisters (who could write) were ten, eight and seven.  The only condition I placed on their comments was that if they wrote something in the Gripe Write, they also had to find something positive to write about in the accompanying Love List.  (The Love List wasn't nearly as fun to read as the Gripe Write!)  For some reason, they really liked writing their complaints and their dad and I really enjoyed reading them (in private, of course).   The kids used the Gripe Write for a couple of years and the whining did lessen during that time.  I kept these little notebooks and every once in a while, the kids will ask about them and we'll get them out and get a good laugh over them.  Fun times...

We make a difference!

Every so often someone in the news will make a comment that discounts the role of mothers in society.  Not wanting to turn this into a political post, I won't go into the details that prompted this entry but I do want to comment on it.

If you have chosen motherhood as your profession, life work and career, you made an often thankless, exhausting but utterly fulfilling and rewarding choice.  Your opinions and comments may be brushed off as unimportant.  You may be ignored by those who have chosen a different path.  You may wonder when YOU get to have a vacation or retire.  None of these matter in the long run.  Your decision to raise and nurture the next generation has far greater impact on society than almost anything else.  A strong and stable family is likely to raise well adjusted, successful children regardless of income size.

Rather than focusing on who has the hardest job, I think mothers should work together to support and encourage each other.  We don't have to feel like we are alone in our struggles and challenges.  We can learn from one another and gain strength from each other.

There may be people who think of us as irrelevant, but to our children, we are the most important person in the world.  And, we DO make a difference...to our families, our schools and community, our society and the world.

Labels

There's a place for labels - on the outside of a can.  If the label reads Pineapple, you can be pretty sure it has pineapple inside.  No surprises there.  Where labels don't belong is on children.  Think of some of the labels that are commonly put on children...stupid, lazy, bad, naughty, hyperactive, dumb or even the positive ones like pretty, smart, artistic, athletic.  Do these labels represent the whole child?  Of course not!  A child is not like a can of pineapple, made up of only one ingredient or trait.  A child is made up of many unique and special qualities and to put a label on him is to do him a great injustice.

If a child is told he's stupid, he might begin to think that he is stupid.  If she's told she's bad, she might think she's bad.  How sad is that?  If she's told she's the pretty one, does that change the way she looks at herself or others?   Does that help her to develop her potential or to narrow it?  If at all possible, it's best to avoid labels altogether.

Try instead to focus on behavior or accomplishments....just please don't call your child a bad girl or dumb kid or some other negative name.  It really hurts!

Setbacks

For a while I was really passionate about exercising.  I went to the gym 4-5 times every week and at the end of three months, I could really feel and see a difference.  Then something came up and I missed a few days.  Then a few days turned into weeks and then months and now it's been four months without regular exercise.  My inclination is to make more excuses and do nothing about it.

It seems like many good intentions go through the same cycle...we start out excited and are happy to see positive results.  But, for some reason, the habit gets broken and it's so hard to restart.  It doesn't matter whether it's exercising, dieting, parenting, cleaning...these things take much effort.  And even though experts say it takes 28 days to make a habit, I think it only takes one or two days to break one.

Rather than calling yourself a failure and giving up, it's ok to start over and begin again.  Each step you take in a positive direction is a step closer to reaching a goal.  If you're trying to stop yelling at your children and you get off track, don't beat yourself up about it.  Admit that you're human and try again.  Watch out for the triggers that caused you to relapse and learn from the setback.  The only thing that's not ok is quitting.

Now, I'm off for a run...

Manners

Would you like some?  Yes, thank you!

Whatever happened to manners?  It's a rare (but welcome) sight to see children who use "please" and "thank you" and other expressions of respect towards adults and other children.  We might consider letting our children know that being polite will bring much more satisfying results than being demanding.  It isn't something that they know instinctively, we have to teach them, remind them constantly, and set a good example for them. This applies also to things like table manners and manners in public.  Our children aren't little animals.  They are capable of learning how to act but we have to teach them.  Please work with your children!  Thank you!