I don't believe in allowances

I was never a big fan of allowances.  Don't get me wrong...I think it's important for kids to understand about using money wisely but I also think money shouldn't be the main motivation for getting kids to do something.  Of course, having eight children and giving them all a generous allowance would have made it hard to pay the bills and put food on the table  :)  Really though, I think there are certain things that children should be expected to do just because they're members of the family...and that includes basic chores.  Everyone should be responsible for cleaning up their own messes and taking care of their belongings and helping keep the living areas clean.  I don't believe in paying kids for those kinds of things.  I don't believe in taking advantage of our kids either.  There are things that should be compensated in some way...whether it be in money, extra privileges, or something else agreed upon by both parent and child.  These include deep cleaning, extra babysitting, out of the ordinary yard work or periodic work projects.

Doing chores isn't fun for anyone but kids need to see that when everyone contributes, everyone reaps the benefits.  And we do certain things because we're a family.

Gotta have time for fun too!

Pity Party

Everyone deserves an occasional pity party, even if things are generally going pretty well.  I don't know what it is...hormones?, the weather?, the cycles of the moon or some cosmic event?, or plain old overload, sometimes you just feel sorry for yourself.  That's ok.  We all feel that way.

The other day I was having one of those not-so-good days and I told my husband about it that night.  He quietly listened while I told him all my troubles and then was silent after I finished.  I waited another minute or two and then said that now was the time for him to reassure me and tell me that everything will be ok and I am doing good etc...  He laughed and repeated what I told him to say.  I felt better  :)

Law of Diminishing Returns (don't be bored by the title)

I know very little about economics but when I read about the Law of Diminishing Returns,  I immediately saw how it can be used in "home" economics also.  The law states,  "The tendency for a continuing application of effort or skill toward a particular project or goal to decline in effectiveness after a certain level of result has been achieved."  (The American Heritage Dictionary) This simply means that the more effort you put into something, the better the results will be up to a certain point and then your returns actually decline.  Taken a step further, there's a time to stop, whether it's obsessively polishing silver (who has silver these days anyway!), planning a lavish party, decorating your house until it's perfect, and definitely...collecting anything.  It's possible to do too much or have too much!  The first example which comes to mind is Christmas.  You want to make a memorable, happy experience for your children and you go out of your way baking 12 dozen different kinds of cookies, planning all sorts of seasonal crafts and activities for the kids to make and do, spending two weeks decorating the whole house until it's worthy of a magazine cover, and searching for all the right presents.  The result is that you're sick of cookies, tired from all the decorating, tired of picking up all the craft pieces scattered all over the floor and the wonderful toys that you bought your children are looked at and then passed over for the wrapping paper.  Maybe two dozen cookies would have been enough.  Maybe one special outing and two or three crafts would have made the kids happy too.  Maybe decorating the living areas would be enough.  Maybe two or three well thought out gifts would be enjoyed without being overwhelming.

We need to put our time and effort into good, worthwhile projects, experiences and activities.  But that doesn't mean going overboard and stressing out so much that you can't enjoy yourself in the process.  The hard part is knowing when enough is enough. 

How not to have an unexpected home birth

This post is in honor of my second child (whose birthday is today), who made his entrance in a most unusual manner...in the bathroom of our apartment.

How not to have an unexpected home birth -
1. When the doctor says that labor the second time should be about 1/2 the duration of the first labor, realize that this is just a statistic.  Reality doesn't always mimic statistics.  First time - 22 hours.  Second time - 3 hours.
2. When your water breaks, this is an indication that maybe you should go have things checked out.  Don't wait until contractions become regular.
3. Sometimes contractions never become regular.  More intense, yes.  Regular, not necessarily.
4. When you feel a great desire to go to the bathroom, it might be too late.  It WAS too late.
5. Calling the doctor during the actual birth will not make the doctor happy.  Well, I wasn't too happy with him either!

Thankfully, everything turned out fine and Baby was healthy and happy...and all my subsequent babies were born in the hospital  :)

Tidy Tuesday - Color coding

When you have a goodly number of children, you need to have some sort of system to keep track of what belonged to whom.  I found it easiest to use color coding.  Can you imagine trying to sort socks when they all look alike?  I sewed a small piece (about 1/2 inch long) of 1/4 inch grosgrain ribbon on the inside of each sock to make sorting easier.  Clothes either had the same type of ribbon sewn in an inside seam or I used a Sharpie pen to write their initial on the inside label.  It really wasn't as tedious as it sounds.  I didn't painstakingly hand sew each tiny piece of ribbon.  A zigzag sewing machine made the job go by really quickly...far quicker than trying to figure out a sock's owner.

Drinking cups and cereal bowls were another thing we color coded.  It would drive me crazy to see a pile of cups on the counter when they were only used to drink water.  So, everyone had their own specially colored cup for water drinking throughout the day.  That was still a lot of cups but I only had to wash one set each day.  I'm lazy that way.  :)  I suppose you could use another way of identifying cups but thanks to Tupperware, I had an easy solution.  It was only logical that if all the cups had a specific owner based on color, that the Tupperware bowls should follow the same pattern.  It worked very well.  Oh, and Dad liked his glass quart jar to drink from so he was unique in his own way.

The only problem arose when a friend or guest would come over and inadvertently take someone's special cup!  Horrors!  Kids can be territorial when they want to be  :)  My kids still go for their own color when they come over.  Thank goodness I don't have to color code their socks and clothes any more!

Things I wish I'd known when I had my first baby

Nothing changes your life like a newborn baby.  For the first time, you are totally responsible for someone other than yourself and that is an intimidating realization.  Most of us go into this awesome responsibility pretty clueless and I was no exception :)  Here are some of the things I learned very quickly -






1. Babies cry.
2. Babies don't need most of the gimmicks and gadgets advertised in stores.  Their needs are pretty basic.
3. Breastfeeding doesn't come naturally!!!
4. Eat healthy and drink lots of liquid.
5. Sleep when Baby sleeps.
6. Your baby will eventually sleep through the night.
7. Always bring several diapers, wipes and changes of clothing whenever you go out with Baby.
8. You're going to be changing Baby a lot!  Forget about fussy and complicated clothes- easy access is most important.
9. Accept help.

10. Don't forget about your husband!
11. It won't be long before you develop a new routine with your new little family.
12.  You will fall in love with this little person and her first smile will melt your heart.

An opportunity to serve

Who would have thought that one little request would make such a difference in the lives of my children.  Several years ago, a good friend (who was the recreation director of an Alzheimer's facility) asked me if my family would help her put on an Easter program for her residents.  That sounded like a good learning experience for the kids so we agreed to help her.  We had seven kids at the time, ranging from thirteen down to a baby.  We all had such a good time that we asked if we could put on a weekly program for the residents.  The director wholeheartedly agreed.  So began six years of weekly visits to the facility.  During that time, we added one more child to the family,  the kids grew up, they became comfortable with the sights and smells of nursing homes, they learned to love the residents and the residents thought of the kids as their own family.   The staff thought of us as their friends.  Residents who rarely left their rooms came to the gathering room every Friday to be with "their" kids.  One cantankerous old woman (who was known for her swearing) softened when her favorite little girl visited her each week and sat on her bed and played with her.  A 96 year old man loved our little red headed toddler and would anxiously wait for her visit.  Residents would sing along with the kids when they sang.  Every Halloween, they had a special Trick or Treat day where they dressed up and handed out candy to the kids.  It was an amazing experience for us all.  We learned about history from men and women who lived through earlier times.  We learned about nursing care.  We experienced the deaths of people we came to care about.  We became comfortable with people of all ages and conditions.  We learned about compassion and kindness. 

It was no surprise then that when my children were faced with choosing careers to pursue, most of them chose the health care field.  I think it can be traced directly back to that day when we put on an Easter program for a group of unknown strangers.  It changed our lives.