Miscommunication

Funny thing about relationships...the other person doesn't necessarily process things the same way you do.  This applies to our relationship with our children but particularly with our spouse.  I think we understand that intellectually but deep down inside, we assume that what makes us happy will also make our spouse happy.

I was reminded of this yesterday when a friend told me about the day of miscommunication with her husband.  She was in a bad mood.  He noticed the bad mood and figured that she wanted space (because that's what HE would want).  She noticed that he was quiet and seemed aloof so that made her madder.  What she wanted for him to do was give her a hug and be supportive...not tell her what to do but just let her know that he was there for her.  Needless to say, the tension increased.  His "withdrawl" upset her and he couldn't understand why she wasn't getting over her mood...because he was giving her space.  

Luckily, eventually, one of them broke the standstill by asking if the other was still mad.  That opened up the lines of communication again and they had a good discussion about what they wanted during times of stress.  

Sometimes, we have to just come out and say, "Husband, I don't want you to fix my attitude, I just want to vent and I want you to give me a hug."  You may say that he should KNOW this, but why play  mind games with your husband when you're already in a bad mood?  Let him know what you want.  Most likely, he'll appreciate it.