Lying

Yesterday I was visiting with a friend and she brought up the subject of lying.  That truly is one of the difficult challenges of being a mother...dealing with a child who tells lies.  You do all the right things.  You set a good example.  You have a loving, open environment and still he lies.  How do you deal with it?

The number one thing I learned - If you are 100% sure that your child did something wrong, don't ask him if he did it. Don't give him another opportunity to lie.   It's far better to calmly state to him that you know he did (whatever) and you're going to work with him to come up with an appropriate discipline.  Don't argue with him.  Involve him in fixing the problem.  Be matter-of-fact about the whole thing.

Make sure the punishment for lying isn't worse than the punishment for whatever it was he did.  What kid wants to confess to a lie if he knows he's going to get in worse trouble for admitting it? 

It's not going to help to probe into the reasons why your child did what he did either.  Most of the time it was probably an impulsive act.  If you ask him why, he really might not know why.

Sometimes you're just not going to get the truth out of a kid, even though you are almost positive he's the culprit.  You might have to let it go for now but take comfort in the fact that most lies come to light eventually.  It's hard to live a lie for long.  (We're talking about the big lies, not the little ones like swiping a cookie out of the kitchen).

Please keep the punishment in proportion to the crime.  Express disappointment, come up with a plan and move on.

Unfortunately, some kids are more prone to lying than others.  With eight children, some of mine were quite adept at telling lies while others would be horrified at even the mere thought.  It's good to have a few guidelines to work with but each situation is going to be different.  You're going to have to trust your instincts and do your best.