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Friday, June 22, 2012

Arguing is good for you :)

Did you ever think that arguing was a good skill for your children to learn?  I'm not talking about yelling, nagging, swearing, name-calling, below-the-belt kind of arguing.  I'm talking about the ability to persuasively, intelligently, and convincingly present your opinion in a calm and respectful way.  Studies have shown that children who learn how to effectively argue their point, starting at home with their parents, are better able to stand their ground when confronted with peer pressure to conform to not-so-good choices.  Intriguing thought, isn't it?  But it makes sense.  It takes a lot of courage and level-headed thinking to stand up to ones friends.  And, where are they going to learn how to do this?  At home.  And, how can we teach this skill?

1. We can set a good example.  We can show that we are respectful to other people while having a different opinion.
2. We can set ground rules.  No shouting, name-calling, swearing, or disrespectful talk.
3. We can listen to our children.  Having healthy communication opens the way to understanding.
4. Be willing to discuss rather than arbitrarily saying no to something.
5. Give them lots of opportunity to practice.
6. Impress upon them that it's ok to say "NO" to something they feel is wrong, regardless of the pressure to conform.

We want our kids to be able to successfully navigate the world they live in and one of those ways is to see that they know how to treat people respectfully even when disagreeing with them.  I wish more adults knew how to do this too!

6 comments:

  1. I think you hit the nail on the head, Mom...maybe if everyone had to go through Arguing 101 there'd be a lot less domestic situations (violence, divorce, etc.)...

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    1. I think so too. Wish I'd figured it out sooner...

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  2. This is a very good concept, but a very exhausting one when you have 2 kids who are ALWAYS competing with each other...!

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    1. As with all good concepts, implementing is the hard part. But small steps still get you in the right direction :) Keep at it!

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  3. Those are great life skills. Last night I pulled into grocery store parking lot just as some snazzy sports car raced past me GOING BACKWARDS. Parked in the handicapped parking space. Two able-bodied people got out, looked like dad and adolescent son. Dad was laughing and tossing his well-coiffed head, slapping kid on the back, as they went to thee Redbox. I managed to calm my heart rate, park far away from them, and head to the Redbox where I intended to return a DVD. Standing behind them, I said, "Excuse me, but that was reckless driving; you almost slammed into my car." Guy turns around, flashes a million-dollar smile, and says, "Lady,I don't want to talk to you." Well. Swords were drawn. "Good. Just listen. Your driving was irresponsible, you could have hurt people, and it is a poor example to set for your son." "Lady (why did he keep calling me that? I got the sense it was shorthand for 'b***h). I don't want to talk." "Maybe I should just take your license plate number and let the police say the same thing to you." I'm not saying I was arguing great - I am saying that he was not able, willing, or aware of the value of addressing the issue. Maybe he had a good reason for his driving that was not apparent to almost-victims of it. It's not like I was threatening him. He just refused to hear and wanted me to be invisible. The same way he treats other cars. Grrr.

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    1. Wow! I wish I could have been there while you took on these stupid, irresponsible...people. I don't think I would have been able to do that. You are one feisty woman!

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